The Mistakes We Make
by Kenzi.got.love
Summary: Katniss has gone back to life after the revolution. She's broken and hollow and believes Peeta is no longer the boy that loves her. This story is about Peeta and Katniss and how they go through difficulties like hallucinations. And Gale comes back only to ruin whatever weak ties Peeta and Katniss have made. Also Katniss's mother holds one thing left to say to her daughter..
1. Alive, But Hollow

Hi there.. I'm trying out an idea I had and decided to make it a chapter story. I would love to hear from my readers on how it is going and how I'm doing. I hope you like this :)

Suzanne Collins owns The Hunger Games, rightfully so and all credit for the characters goes to her.

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Everything is over and I'm done. I have nothing left to do; I'm just living in a world where the only person I ever loved no longer exists. Life has never been easy, but going to sleep watching my little sister burn is unbearable. I do my best not to sleep anymore, I just can't keep watching Prim die over and over again in nightmares that will never cease. I'm hollow, a complete shell.

I move when I have to, but other than that, I sit on the couch and try not to relive the horrible images of the people I cared for die. Even Peeta shows up every now and again in my mind and I let him stay there, because there he's the old Peeta. He's the one who loved me enough to try to save my life. Peeta. He lives two houses down from me, with Haymitch in between us. He comes over to my house, wordlessly, to tend to the primroses. I can't look at them, not yet, not ever. I can't look at him either because I know the Peeta that loved me is no longer present. He's not the boy with the bread anymore. He's like me, a shell, a lifeless shell.

He could have done better than me, he could have had anyone. Whoever he would have chosen wouldn't have led him on during the games and would probably have been waiting back home for his return. He could have won the games, after I found him and fixed him up. I should have taken the Nightlock and let him win. Then there would have been no revolution and certainly no Mockingjay. Eventually the games would have been put to a stop, someone would have done something. I just can't help but think, all the people I cared for would have lived if it hadn't been me. I shouldn't feel guilty, with all the death came the change and the possibility of life with no games. I should be happy and I should be able to carry on with my day and I should be able to live. I should be able to do a lot of things, but in reality, all I can do is sit and feel sorry for myself.

After that thought I must have dozed off because I'm waking up thrashing around and tears are streaming down my face. I'm shaken, not because of my nightmare, or even the horrendous feelings that come with them, but the feelings of strong arms around me. They're squeezing the life out of me and soon, I can't breath.


	2. Run

Sorry this is so short it just felt like a good place to break off from

Also-There is a direct quote from Suzanne Collins in this chapter and it completely belongs to her, I didn't think of it myself.

Thanks for reading!

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My survival instincts go into overdrive and I elbow my assailant in the ribs and I'm on the other side of the room searching for a suitable weapon. It's dark in my house now and somehow I find the fire poker. I take it in my hands and hold it like I would a baseball bat.

"Who are you? Who's there?" I scream. I hear a hiss of pain and then a panicked, huffing voice, "Katniss! It's me, Peeta.." he ow's in pain. "Peeta?" I say as I drop the poker stick and race over to him. I realize I can't see anything so I search the wall for a switch. I find the switch and my living room is illuminated. I see the couch I was just occupying, the rocking chair by the fireplace, and Peeta, rolling around on the floor in pain. I quickly drop next to him, my hands hovering over his body trying to find the exact point of impact. He's holding his front left side so I'm assuming that's where my elbow struck.

"Peeta, I'm so sorry, I didn't know it was you.. You startled me and I'm so sorry!" I say. He's sucking breath in through his teeth and surprisingly he lets out a hard laugh. "Ice, Katniss, Ice." Is all he manages to say. I get up quickly, and go to my kitchen and hope there is ice in there. I don't know if Sae's been here, I couldn't tell you if anyone's been in my house the past week. I open the chilled freezer and lo and behold there is a try full of ice cubes. I grab a rag and wrap it around all the ice cubes and tie the ends together. I bring it back to Peeta and put it on the tender spot. He has calmed considerably and now is just watching me.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing, it's just," He stops mid thought. He has tightly shut his eyes. His fists have balled up and his body has gone tense.

"Peeta..? What's going on? Are you alr-" I am cut off by his eyes flying open, exposing his pitch black eyes. I know then, he's not Peeta and he's having a hallucination. He grabs my arm and his hold is stiff. For a moment his eyes become clear and only one word escapes his mouth. "Run."

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Dun dun duuunnnnnnn! Haha please review, it'll mean the world to me


	3. Move

Here's my update :) thank you so much for the encouraging words.. I loved them! Enjoy

All credit goes to Suzanne Collins aaaaass per usual (there's that chunk of things that Katniss says and that is all Collins')

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I don't heed his warning and I just sit there. I'm frozen and can't move for fear of what is to come. His grip on my wrist, if even possible, tightens, and he blinks his clear eyes away. He's up in a flash dragging me with him. He threw me against the wall and I feel a searing pain behind my right shoulder blade and all I know is I'm in shock. As he's walking towards me with anger intent on his face, my mind becomes suddenly clear. I'm standing in a moment. "Peeta," I began very quietly, "This isn't you, and you've never hurt me before. Peeta, please, come back." I'm wracking my brain for anything to say to bring him back. Then in desperation I say the only words that I know I've said to him before, "You're a painter. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces." At my words he stops walking. He shakes his head a few times and I can tell he's having a strange internal battle.

"Stop! Stop it!" He screams.

"Peeta.." I say sadly, hoping he'll hear me.

"No! You are a mutt! You killed my family and my friends! You are nothing, but horrible! You killed them! And you tried to kill me! Murderer!" He lets it all out and I'm noticing for the first time, I'm crying. He's right; I killed the people we cared about most. I killed Finnick, Mags, the other tributes, Peeta's family, Madge and her family, Rue, Cinna, and Prim. So many people died by my rebellious acts. He's right, I am a mutt. I am a murderous Mutt and I don't deserve to still have Peeta in my life. I don't deserve anything. I'm still sobbing against the wall, probably cowering in fear and self-loathing.

Peeta is still having the worst fight inside his head. His fists are balled up on his temples and he's bending over shaking. Then the front door, on the opposite wall from where I am now, flies open. Haymitch runs in and gathers around Peeta trying to hold him in one piece. He looks over at me with a strangely severe look, "Get out, Mockingjay. Go to my place and wait there until you see or hear from me. You got it?" Haymitch says. I shake my head in understanding but still don't move. I'm fairly certain fear is holding me in place. My mind is somewhere else and it won't pick me up off the floor. Haymitch realizes this and startles me by screaming towards me, "RUN, KATNISS I MEAN IT. GO!" Before I know it, I'm up and I'm running. I don't stop until I reach Haymitch's house. I find the spare closet and I close myself up in it. I don't move an inch until morning.

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ahhhh sad chapter! Don't forget to review, I'd love to hear from you!


	4. Pull Yourself Together

Such an intense last chapter.. This one is more of Katniss and the dream she has is kind of graphic. Also because I loved the sweet reviews I got, this chapter is longer than normal. Thank you so much for reading, and to those that have reviewed-thank you so so so much :)

Suzanne Collins still owns The Hunger Games

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The only reason I've awoken in my little self-made cave is because of a nightmare. In it were familiar faces, but slowly, in front of my eyes they decomposed. Finnick was smiling and cracking jokes about sugar cubes one moment and then I blinked and his flesh started tearing away from his skull. His eyes were popping out and only remained connected to his head by the optic nerves. Soon his piercing cries were all that were left of him. This happened with each person I knew that died. Last was Prim. Her death was different. She was holding a primrose and her little ducktail was present in the back. She was scowling at me and soon tears were pouring down her face like two little rivers. She was yelling at me, "Mutt! You are a mutt! You killed ME, your own _sister_!" After that her flesh began to melt. First there were dark spots, and then they turned to burns, which turned to completely burning off her face. Her blonde hair was falling in clumps to the ground. She then went limp at the knees and she fell awkwardly to the side, still holding the primroses in her bony, burned fingers.

Needless to say, I woke screaming, crying and many times almost vomited from the graphic images my mind had created. This is why I don't sleep. This is why I never want to. This is why I can never tend to the primroses behind my house.

I finally get the nerve to get up because I'm sure I'm about to get sick. I turn the knob slowly and push the door open gently, just in case someone was here. I listened for a moment and I heard nothing, not even breathing. Being a hunter, you learn to hear very quiet, distinct sounds-breathing is one of them. I start to walk out slowly, but the retching feeling is overpowering all senses and I full out sprint to the bathroom. Luckily, all houses in the Victors Village are identical, layout wise. I reach the bathroom with ease and everything came crashing down at once. After all the food is gone out of my system I lean against the tub, knees to my chin, tears staining my cheeks, while rocking back and forth. I'm painfully aware of the injury sustained by my shoulder blade. There's nothing I can do about it so I'm waiting like Haymitch asked of me. It's not very often I listen to the old drunk, but last night he seemed to be in a rare state of clarity so I will do as he says. I can see from my place on the tiles my reflection. My hair is ragged, my eyes a burning red, my cheeks are stained with blotchy redness and a few tear trails. I'm in my long nightgown from the previous afternoon nap that I never intended on taking. My lips are pale and the bags under my eyes are so predominant that I almost think someone took a dark marker and rubbed them under my eyes. I'm a mess and I know it.

I find some last bit of strength in me to pull myself up and climb into the shower behind me. I peel my clothes off and try to clean myself off as much as possible, but there's only so much cleaning soap and water can do. I step out into the bathroom and try to hold onto my last bit of sanity. The oval mirror in front of me reflects the hollowest looking girl I've ever seen. I turn away from the mirror and braid my hair to the side and put my nightgown back on. As I'm stepping out into the hallway, the back door connected to the kitchen opens. Haymitch looks ragged, almost as bad as I look. I think we have that last thought at the same time because he is looking me over and says, "Gee, sweetheart, you look like hell." At this I would normally say, "The same to you, you drunken fool", but instead I begin to cry. I hate that I am this way. What happened to me? I am clearly no longer the mockingjay.

Haymitch actually looks sad and to my great surprise he walks over to me and hugs me. It's an odd moment and I brush it off as soon as possible. I can't take pity from Haymitch, of all people.

Haymitch turns away and says, "You can go back to your house, he's not there anymore. But hey, kid?" I was almost at the door and I look at him. He looked down at his feet for a moment and then continued, "I can only do so much.. You need to talk to him. He's tearing himself apart over last night and I think only you can fix it. Give it time, you look pretty shaken up. Go home, eat something, but don't forget about Peeta. Don't let him torture himself. I know what I'm asking, but at one point, he was the only friend you had, remember?" Haymitch was right, he was my only friend in the games and now I'm his only friend here. If even as my last act, I will save the boy with the bread. I will heal his wounds, and hopefully mine as well. Because truthfully? I can't do this alone and only Peeta knows how I feel and right now I'm sure he's ten times worse than me. So I turn and go home after thanking Haymitch for everything. He just nods and goes into his cabinet to pull out some white liquor. I don't blame him, I would need some too after I can only imagine as hell last night.

I walk up my porch and almost turn the knob when I noticed an envelope in front of my door.

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Nice Haymitch is weird.. haha but I like to think Haymitch cares a lot for them.. What do you think is going on with Peeta right now? And what is up with that envelope..? Review and let me know what you think!


	5. The Letter

Enjoy another update and seriously, thank you to all that reviewed.. You guys are all my heroes haha

Suzanne Collins.. The Hunger Games.. yup.

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I slowly walk inside with the envelope in my hand. I keep turning it over, but the only writing I see is on the front and it says, "Katniss Everdeen" in sloppy letters. I put it on the table, I'll open it later. I walk around my kitchen because quite frankly I'm afraid of my living room. I get a glass out of the cupboard and fill it with water. I drink it slowly and then realize I'm starving. I haven't eaten anything in the last twenty-four hours and that episode this morning didn't help anything. I dig in my fridge and hope Sae left me something. I make a mental note to thank her more often.

I grab what looks to be lamb stew and bring it over to the table. I take careful bites because after this morning I'm not too sure what my stomach can hold. After a few minutes have gone by and a couple mouth fulls have been swallowed, I remember the envelope. I reach over and decide to open it. I push the stew away so I can fully see what is inside. I pull out a couple pages folded neatly. I unfold the pages and I realize it is a letter. From the first line address I immediately know who it is from and I almost don't read it, but curiosity got the better of me.

It read:

Dear Catnip,

It's been a couple months and I know you know that. This letter is awkward for me to write because I should have just called and been able to say what I want to say. But I know you wouldn't take my calls or even listen to me for a few minutes. And I know you would tell me no to what I'm about to tell you. I've decided to visit District 12. In case you forgot, it was my home too. I don't mean to sound harsh.. I'm sorry.

I know there isn't much left to see, but I miss it. I miss you, too. I need to see you, to see how you are. I need to see you doing okay, and I hope you're still going to our place in the woods. Don't you miss our trips there and the fun we used to have? I remember that, Katniss. I know I have no right to come barging back into your life, but I can't keep up this separation. I want to see our woods and I want to walk in the town square. I need to remember what happened to keep me going.

I'll be there in two months; I just thought I'd give you the heads up. And Katniss, I know you blame me for Prim, I do too.

Gale

At that last line I almost break down so instead I read the letter a couple times just to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. Gale's coming back. I don't want to see him. He's correct-I do blame him for killing my little sister. But I also blame myself.

I sit there for a while, completely forgetting about my stew. I get up from the table and I throw the letter away. I do my best to forget about it because I just don't want to picture the face of the boy that had a hand in my sister's death. I go and sit on the couch, where the horror began only yesterday. Only this time I don't fall asleep, I make sure of it.

The night passes as I grab some strands of rope that I braid and knot in various degrees of intricacy. When I take the time to zone back into life I see the sun is rising signaling the start of a new day. I decide then to go up and shower and change into real clothes. I feel disgusting and the events of the past two days took their toll on me. I get out of my clothes as fast as possible and let the warm water cover me. After I'm washed up I go back downstairs. Suddenly, I can't take this house anymore. I'm not sure if it's Gale's letter in the trashcan, or the vivid memory of what happened in this living room, but this house feels foreign to me. I grab my father's hunting jacket and my bow that I hardly ever touch. I'm out the door and almost running to the forest. Unfortunately, I have to pass Peeta's house to get to my refuge.

At this thought I remember Peeta and how he must be feeling right now. I haven't seen or heard from him since his hallucination. I slow considerably, almost to a halt but still moving forward. I don't really know if I should go see him, or stay away. Haymitch's words from the previous day come to the forefront of my mind. He says he needs me, but what good am I if I only cause harm to him? I realize I have completely stopped walking and I've been staring at his house, bow in hand. Then the door opens.

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I'm sorry guys if this seemed really boring. I know there was no dialogue.. Please forgive me. The next chapter is a good one so please hang on with me. And as always feel free to review what you think will happen… Peeta and Katniss now have to chat.. Hmm.. oh and Gale's letter? What up with that? Tell me what you think :)


	6. Peeta's Breakdown

Hey, everyone! So deviant-author11 gave me this idea and I thought it would be kind of awesome to play around with. I thought now would be a good time to squeeze in Peeta's POV on the whole ordeal and how exactly it's been effecting him. In the last chapter it ended with the door opening and so from here it is kind of a new perspective from Peeta. It will begin from when Katniss has the nightmare on the couch. Enjoy and again thanks for the suggestion! I hope I do it justice!

Suzanna Collins owns Peeta Mellark.. hehe that sounds just bad.

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Getting back to District 12 has been good, but bad. I chose to come back here. Well then again maybe I never had the choice. The new people in charge heavily insisted I come back here because I'm fairly certain saving Katniss from taking the Nightlock was not something they approved of. I think they just wanted to get rid of the three of us, Katniss, Haymitch and I. What good were we anyways? Katniss is a horrified, grief stricken, hollow person, Haymitch is a drunk, and I'm not even certain which way is up most of the time.

I think the capital tried to break me. They tried to tell me that the person I cared about most in life hated me and wanted to kill me. They tried to plant doubt in my mind, and they won. Now I'm a broken, pathetic waste, but I get by. My hallucinations have been at bay lately and I'm not complaining. Every now and then though, I need to confirm the memories in my mind. I'll see something and it will trigger a memory but sometimes I can't be sure if the memory is mine or something the capital put in my brain. Like the other day I had cinnamon out on the counter because I was making cinnamon raisin bread and some got on my arm. When I looked at it all I could see were a bunch of fire ants crawling on my arm and I couldn't brush them off. It was only until I ran into the bathroom scrubbing at my arm did I realize it was only the spice, not the bugs. I should have known it was my imagination because the corners of my vision were kind of shiny. That's how I know they are the capitol's doing-if it's shiny.

Nothing makes sense to me anymore so I live day to day hoping I can make it to the next. When I saved Katniss from the Nightlock it brought back a lot of memories I didn't understand. I remember the games and how she saved me. Or I think she did anyways. When I ask Haymitch about it he says she did everything she could to keep me alive. It's hard for me to understand that when I thought she was a mutt for months. I have to wonder sometimes if it would be better for her if I weren't here to remind her of how pathetic I am. I'm sure she thinks that because I was shown footage of her and Gale and she was kissing him. I know she loves him, more than me.

I have to remind myself to not get myself into a pit of despair because when I do, my nightmares become real. I know she has nightmares too and they never go away. Sometimes I hear her screams all the way to my house. Somehow deep inside I feel the need to go comfort her, like it was something I'm supposed to do. But instead I stand at my window hoping she comes to all right and sleeps better afterwards. But she never does.

This is why I planted the Primroses. I hoped the new life in her back yard would give her the peace of mind to rest easy. I know Prim died and it was horribly tragic. I also know it took a toll on Katniss. Of these things I am absolutely sure, and no trackerjacker venom can ever sway me. So here I am tending to the Primroses. I take my time, even planting a few more bushes. It's getting dark, but I want to finish this before I go home. As the sun is setting I finish with the flowers. And then I hear screaming, blood curdling, heart wrenching screams. I rush into the house to the source of the cries. I walk into the living room to find her thrashing about on the couch. I carefully sit beside her and wrap my arms around her hoping it will calm her. It feels right, but her thrashing becomes too much and I have to hold tighter to keep her together. The next thing I know I'm receiving a blow to my left side by her elbow and sink to the floor in pain. She demands to know who I am and I slowly and carefully identify myself. She turns on the light in a second and she's trying to find the area of impact. I just tell her to get ice. She comes back and is trying to apply it to the tender spot as quickly as possible.

This feels like in the games. For some reason I'm having a lot of flashbacks to the games and the horrors of what happened there. There is one memory the capital introduced to me, and it was while we were in the cave, she hurt me badly and that's why I have to have a prosthetic leg.

I realize I'm staring at her and she asks, "What?"

"Nothing, I just-" was all I could get out before I realized the previous thoughts about her hurting my leg are sending me into a horrible hallucination. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut hoping to rid myself of the fake reality. Is it fake? How do I know she's not going to try to take my other leg? How do I know she's not going to try to kill me right here and now? I hear her ask something, and I'm fairly certain she's asking me how I want to die. My eyes shoot open and I see her for who she really is. I see her as the mutt that killed everyone that I ever cared for. She is no longer Katniss, she's the murderous mutt that holds no one to mercy. I grab her wrist to maybe try to delay her torturous ways. When I touch her though my mind momentarily becomes weak and I see just a girl, with a very worried expression on her face. I know what's happening and I won't be able to stop it. I look at her right in the eye and I say, "Run".

The moment of haze is over and my mind isn't playing tricks on me anymore. She's a mutt again and she hasn't moved. I keep my hold on her wrist and I'm up in a second. I drag her disgusting form with me and throw it against the wall. I need to save my life and get out of here. I begin walking towards the thing; I need to kill it to ensure my safety. If it lives, I will not. Then my eyesight is shifting and I see a part mutt part girl stand in front of me. I can barely make out what she's saying and by the end all I hear is, "You're a painter. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces." Is this who I am? Why is she telling me this? Why does it all sound so familiar? She's getting in my head so I scream, "Stop! Stop it!" as loud as I can.

I hear her chuckle and then say my name and then I know who this is. I keep screaming, "No! You are a mutt! You killed my family and my friends! You are nothing, but horrible! You killed them! And you tried to kill me! Murderer!" My eyes are starting to go fuzzy again and once more I see a girl and a mutt. I can't separate them and I don't know what my mind is doing. I don't know what's real anymore and I can't see straight. I just want this to be over! The mutt needs to die, but if it's Katniss, I can't kill her. But Katniss is the mutt! I can feel myself start to double over with my fists putting pressure on my temples. Then out of nowhere I hear Haymitch's voice and it's far away, but I hear it. I hold onto his voice and hope he can lead me into safety. All I hear is him yelling and hope he's trying to get the Mutt Girl out. He tells me to sit down and I do as he says. He's the only person I can trust anymore. He takes my fists away from my head. "Boy," he says. "Tell me what's going on. Do you know where you are?" Where am I? Wasn't I just in a cave with the Mutt Girl? "I'm in the cave, I'm trying to kill the mutt!" I shout. Haymitch very quietly begins to talk softly to me, "Look around you, open your eyes. Where are you? Open your eyes, boy. Can you see where you are? You need to keep a steady head and look around you. Really look at where you are." He repeats his commands for what seems like hours. I slowly open my eyes and I see I'm in a white room. The edges of my vision are still dark but I can feel the carpet underneath me. I can feel my back leaning against a squishy object. I close my eyes because I'm confused as to where I am. When I close my eyes I'm one place, but when I open them I'm in a foreign room with white walls.

Soon I can open my eyes for longer periods of time and I pick up little details. Haymitch is still talking to me, but I notice the television behind him, the windows to the left of me. I notice the thing I'm leaning against is most likely a couch of some sort. Slowly but surely I put it together that I'm in a living room. I'm not sure who's quite yet, but I know I'm in a house.

Finally I speak, "I'm in a house. Real or not real, Haymitch?" I look at him and he looks relieved. "Real, kid. It's real." I sit there for a little while longer and I can see the sunlight peaking through the curtains. The curtains are not familiar to me. I am slowly realizing where I am so I ask him, "I am in Katniss' house, real or not real?" I hear him grumble and he's getting up and trying to help me do the same. "Real. But let's get you home. You've been through hell, kid."

He leads me to the place where I am supposed to call home. With all the houses being the same except the decorations or furniture being different, I don't see what makes it a home. He walks me inside and plants me at the kitchen table. I sort of remember what happened the previous night when I look up and see the lone primrose in a vase on my table. I'm confused so I ask Haymitch, "What happened last night? What did I do?" he looks sad, which is rare for him seeing how he's usually drunk. He looks over at me from the door and says, "You had a pretty bad one. I don't know how bad it is on Katniss' end, but I think she's pretty shaken up. I think you need to wait until she comes to you, but when she does, talk to her, boy."

I can't stand the thought of hurting her. "Haymitch, what if I really did hurt her? What have I done.." I can't even fully get out that last part so I'm not sure if he heard me. All he said as he left my house, "I can't say what happened, but do as I say. Talk to her when she's ready."

I walk over to the sink and cabinet area of my kitchen and try so hard to remember the events of the previous night. Slowly I remember why I was at her house at all. I remember planting the bushes and hearing her scream. When I went to comfort her she hurt me and after that it's all fuzzy. She was a mutt and suddenly I remember everything I said to her. I feel horrible. I sink to the floor in as the realization hits of what I said. But then I remember throwing her against the wall. It had to have hurt her. She has to be in pain right now and I did it to her.

I'm exhausted, but I know if I sleep all I will do is visualize my worst fears. Of Katniss being in pain somewhere. I know I must have hurt her, I know she deserves better. She has done so much for so many people and this is what I do for her? I know she will only think of me as that weak boy that the capitol got their hands on and had his whole mind scrambled. She must think I'm pathetic.

I am pathetic, but I try to keep myself busy so I don't think about it. I stay up for the rest of the day baking what little recipes I can remember. I bake a lot of bread. Probably more bread than the bakery I grew up in. Eventually around nighttime I got tired of baking bread. I hadn't baked the cinnamon raisin bread since my mini episode with the cinnamon. I do my best to move on from that and bake a few loves. By this time dawn was breaking and I decided to go change. Afterwards I come back downstairs and my mind was too occupied with thoughts of what I had said and done. I'll forever hold guilt for that. I decide on painting to ease my mind. Nothing is coming out how I want it to and I'm becoming frustrated. My painting was one of the few things the capital could not take from me and now I'm so mad at myself for not being able to paint simple things like a rainbow.

That last thought feels rather familiar and I remember I could never paint rainbows so I stick to what I know as fact. I paint people and dark figures and lots of forest shots. I'm completely wiped out and I just want to be normal. I just want to be myself.

I walk to my kitchen and get a glass of water. I look out my window and I see her. I see Katniss just standing looking at my house. Maybe she came to talk to me, but I highly doubt it. I walk over to my front door anyways and open it.

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Wow so that was a whole lot of Peeta. Longest chapter yet! Haha but I'm not extremely confident in this although I feel like it gives some great insight into how he thinks and why he will do some things in future chapters. I'm not sure if I'll be switching POVs like this very often. I know I'll do it only once more for sure at a certain part in the story. But please review and tell me if you think this worked or not..

Also just a huge thanks to deviant-author11 for the idea, it was brilliant :)


	7. An Empty Embrace

I felt bad about giving you all a chapter with no progression to the story so here it is, the overdue talk between Peeta and Katniss. I hope you like it cuz I really do.

Suzanne Collins owns The Hunger Games

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Peeta is standing there and he looks like hell. I'm fairly certain he looks worse than I do. The dark circles under his eyes are extremely noticeable, his blonde hair is sticking up in all directions and his white t-shirt has all kinds of smears from different colors. I assume he's been painting because the smears are in the kind of lines that his fingers would make if he were wiping them off. His tan pants aren't in any better condition and the stubble on his face has completely grown in. I feel so stupid for him catching me standing here so I look anywhere but at his face because I know what I'll find there: Hurt, pain, desperation, and so many other emotions. Peeta was always good for wearing how he felt on his face.

Somehow, I find the courage to look at his face and all I see his sadness. It breaks my heart for him to look like that. I slowly walk towards him leery of setting off another hallucination. He steps back and for a moment I think he's going to shut the door on me, but to my surprise he opens the door wider. Peeta ushers me into his house and if I hadn't spent so much time in my own I would have thought this was the same thing. But this house looks different and smells differently too. I smell flour and cinnamon and fresh dough. I smell a hint of his paints and my suspicions about him painting earlier are confirmed.

When I walk by him he grabs my wrist, the same one he grabbed while hallucinating and I flinch. Of course Peeta saw me do this and he said, "You're afraid of me now because I hurt you." It wasn't a question and it wasn't a real or not real situation. The fact he thinks this saddens me. I just look at him confused. I say only the truth because I know he needs to hear it, "No, Peeta. I'm not afraid of you. And you didn't hurt me. I'm afraid of myself and inflicting that kind of pain on you again.. That's what I'm afraid of..." I had trailed off into almost a whisper.

I walk into his living room before he could say anymore. I feel awkward enough for him catching me staring at his house. I sit on the couch and realize that mine is much more comfortable. The structure may be the same, but the furniture is different.

I just sit and feel the couch to occupy my mind. Peeta comes over to me and sits down. It had been a few minutes since our first exchange at his door. He takes my hand that had been memorizing the couch and holds it. He's looking into my eyes with his clear, blue ones and begins to speak, "Don't blame yourself for what happened. What happened to me, it wasn't the first time. That's why I sometimes leave suddenly from tending to the primroses. You did nothing wrong, I startled you remember? You could never inflict pain on me... don't ever be fearful of that. I was the one that was wrong... I did this... I have hurt you..." I shake my head and tell him he didn't hurt me. He closes his eyes and puts his forehead on my hand. That's something the old Peeta would do and for a moment I think he's come back to love me again.

In this moment I want to cry. I'm reminded of how much he loved me despite my flaws. He would always say the perfect things, that unknown to him, would let me know how much I didn't deserve him, like I don't deserve him now. He would hold my hand on the train to the Quarter Quell and the warmth and strength that is only Peeta would envelope my whole hand and spread throughout my body. I felt safe with him.

He's suddenly looking at me and quietly says, "Don't cry, Katniss.." and he lifts a finger to wipe away a stray tear that I thought I had under control. He's holding my hand and wiping my tears and right now I feel like Peeta has come back to me. I need to feel some sort of safety, some sort of normalcy. I had an idea and didn't properly think it through just so I couldn't decide against it. I take my left hand away from his and instead wrap my arm around his back. I lay my head on his shoulder and bring my right arm around to meet my left. Very slowly I have leaned into him and I fear I'm holding on too tight to this moment, to him. But he puts one hand on my lower back and the other around my shoulders.

Ouch.

I remember then the wound on my right shoulder blade and wince. Peeta slowly leans away from my grasp.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"Nothing, it's nothing just forget it okay? Please?" I say and I'm trying to hold onto him for a moment longer. I try to bring his arms back around because I need the security. He wouldn't have it though and continued to ask about it.

"You winced when I touched your shoulders.. What's the matter? I won't just forget it, why are you hurting?" The clear concern in his eyes is too overwhelming so I relent and tell him enough to satisfy his curiosity.

"I just hurt my shoulder, it's really nothing. I didn't know how sore it was until you touched it."

"Did I do this to you? Is this from me throwing you against the wall?" I look away from his face because I can't handle the self hatred there. "Katniss answer me. Did I do this?" He took my lack of response as his answer. He got up and walked away from the couch. He's pinching the bridge of his nose and he looks so lost. I feel the emptiness in my arms and decide to hold them to myself. I won't let myself miss his embrace. I won't let myself feel sad.

"You lied to me." He said and then continued, "This part of me won't ever go away. I can't have you near me when something like that happens. You mean too much to me to hurt. I can't have you lying to me telling me I didn't do something when I did. My brain already can't tell what is real and not real enough as it is." He's right. I'm not helping him. I'm still only hurting him. Why did I start this? Peeta interrupts my thoughts, "I don't blame you so please don't look like that." As it turns out my face gives away more than I thought it did. And with that I'm out the door heading to the woods. That is the only place I can go to clear my mind.

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Okay first who loved the idea of Josh Hutcherson looking like Peeta how she described him in the beginning? Haha I loved it, I won't lie. Well where are they going to go from here? Don't fret, I have a plan so bear with me. Please review and let me know what you think :)


	8. Weak Moments Strong Realizations

This seems very filler-ish and I'm sorry. I've been gone all weekend and I just needed to update because everyone has been so nice and encouraging. But anyways onto the story!

Suzanne Collins.. The Hunger Games.. She's a lucky duck.

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I ran to the woods until I couldn't run anymore. I climbed over stray roots and ducked under reaching branches. I was a good distance in the woods when I decided there was enough space between myself and Peeta. I sat on a boulder and tried to think through the events of the past few days. Every time I try to make sense of the night Peeta hallucinated, the pain on my shoulder becomes searing. I stop trying to understand that night because it is in my past and I need to get over it.

I move onto the conversation I just had with Peeta. For a minute or two it felt like he cared for me and was the old Peeta. But then he took himself away from my grasp and I just feel empty. I tried so hard to keep that thought out of my mind, but in reality, I miss his warm body holding mine. I miss the contact and the safe feeling. I never thought I needed protecting, but now when I wake up to nightmares I just want someone there to hold me through it.

And I don't want just anyone, I want Peeta.

This realization sends me into a pit of despair. I can't want Peeta, what good will that do? I seem to only bring harm and pain to anyone I ever care about. I'm full of destruction and I'm beyond repair. I don't deserve him and I don't deserve any embrace from him. When Haymitch said I could live a thousand lifetimes and still not deserve him-he was correct. He's so good and pure and faithful, I'm broken and insecure and hollow. I hurt everyone.

Annie is without a husband and expecting a child, my mother is a hopeless workaholic, Gale is off doing only God knows what with bombs and my beautiful, young, and sweet sister is dead. I just cannot seem to do good things for people.

I realize now that I'm no good for anyone and the tears just won't stop. I sit on the boulder with my knees pulled up to my chin. I'm trying to hide my face because I know I'm crying and I need to smother my sobs.

This must have been why I never heard the pack of wild dogs.

When I hear the gentle hum of a quiet snarl I look up. I see I'm surrounded and suddenly realize I left my bow at Peeta's house. I'm virtually defenseless and my mind is thinking a mile a minute of ways I can somehow escape this. I decide I can maybe fend them off at least enough to wound them and make my escape. I grip a stray rock by my right hand ready for my attack. I'm holding my pose on the boulder until the right moment to strike. Finally, while the pack leader seemed to be growling to the others, I fling the rock hard and it hits the target right in the eye. It's down for the count, except the other four dogs are anything but. All four of them lunge at me right at the same time.

It was then I wished I had done more than hug Peeta today because I know I'm going to die by the teeth of these wild dogs.

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I just love leaving chapters off with an ending like that haha but fear not-I should have another chapter up in a couple hours :) As always review and tell me your thoughts. What do you think will happen with Katniss? Will she survive? (silly question I know… lol) And what about that realization up there? Hmmm things are gonna get interesting ;)


	9. The Heart Is A Savior

Sooooo I'm such a liar haha. I said I wouldn't be using Peeta's POV much, but here we are. Also I'm so sorry for keeping you all waiting for an update.. I hope this makes up for it :D Enjoy!

Suzanne Collins has the rights to Peeta *sigh*

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Katniss just ran out of my house all because I couldn't control my temper. She only lied to protect me and I would have done the same for her. The problem is I need her to be fully honest with me if I'm going to trust her again. I can't always be wondering what is real and what is made up. My brain is so broken but sometimes I feel normal again, when I'm with Katniss.

When I'm with Katniss.

She keeps me in one piece and maybe I am broken, but we can be broken together. We need each other. When I'm with her I remember so much more. When she hugged me on the couch I was reminded of our time on the train when I would hold her through the night and ease her out of a nightmare. I know who I am with her. I know I love her, I know I always have.

What am I doing? I just let her run out of the house like that? I get up swiftly and try to follow her. As soon as I round the couch my foot catches on something and I'm clumsily falling to the floor. I catch myself just before my face meets the wood. I look behind me to see what I tripped over and I see Katniss' bow. I snatch the bow, grab my jacket and get out the door. I swing on my jacket and look in each direction. I see her figure far off heading towards the woods.

I should have known this would be where she would go. It is her place when she's grieving. Especially when she's grieving. She went there when her father died and I remember watching her run with tears streaking her face. I was a child then, I should have followed her, but instead I stayed where I was. She also went there when we got back from the games. I think she was affected by Rue's death. Even then I just watched her go and come back with less of a heartbroken look on her face. Knowing I didn't help her get that look made me feel like the same child that let her go in the woods after her father's death. She again went in the woods most recently to mourn her greatest loss: Prim. But this time I wasn't me, I was so lost in my own head I never even thought to go with her. Sure, I watched her go in the woods, but my mind wasn't connecting the dots and so once more I let her go into the vast wooded area to mourn another death without me.

I won't make the same mistake again.

I run as fast as my fake leg could go. It's humiliating how slow that pace actually is. I do my best and I follow her into the same weak part of the fence. At first I'm weary of the fence, but I tell myself she just got under it, so it isn't live and I won't have any problems. I make it under with a little bit more of a struggle than the tiny girl before me. I try to keep my eyes on her and see where she's going so I don't lose her.

It is difficult for me to keep up with her, but somehow I manage. I see her begin to slow and she looks so tired. She sits down on a large rock and brings up both knees to meet her face. I don't need to see her face, though, to know she's crying. Her shoulders are shaking and her whole frame seems to be weak. This sight alone makes me shed my own tears. I realize she is mourning something once more: me. I begin to cry with her and for her because she feels like she has lost me. I'm not lost. I'm right here.

This is probably why I never heard the pack of wild dogs.

I realized I had to do something because the dogs were closing in. Before I could even think about a plan Katniss had a rock in her hand and was chucking it at one of the dogs. The dog had no chance against her deadly aim. I dropped the bow because it is of no use to me and it isn't mine to use. I'm looking for anything to throw, a rock, a tree branch, anything when I hear her piercing scream.

The other four dogs have lunged at her and are currently trying to rip her apart. One dog has his teeth latched onto her forearm, another has a grip on her calf and the other two are attacking her shoes. I run, faster than I even a person with two real legs could run. I pick up the biggest rock I can and I hurl it at the first dog and it makes contact with a sickening cracking sound. It falls down clearly dead. Katniss is slumped over, surely unconscious from the attack.

"Katniss!" I cry. If I can do this right, the other dogs will abandon her and try to come after me. I'm flailing getting the attention of the other three dogs. It works and they let the parts they had claims on fall. They charge me, but I have another, almost boulder like rock ready and when one dog is close enough I slam it down on its body entirely. There are only two dogs left and I realize I have no other means of attack. They both lunge at me and one's teeth graze my upper arm.

I realize my only option left is to wrestle them and hope I'm strong enough to kill them with my bare hands. One seems to come at me faster than the other and I choose that one to wrestle with. I get it to the ground easily, but not without a couple small cuts from its claws. I take the wild dog's skull in my hands and twist. It's a stomach turning sound when the skull severs from the spinal cord. I almost get sick right there, but knowing there is one more dog keeps me in check. It looks me in the eye and it knows it is the last one left. Fear replaces the anger in its eyes and it backs away slowly. It turns and runs in the opposite direction crying for their dead companions. Somehow I empathize with the poor, insignificant dog.

I go over to the girl fallen over on the rock.

"Katniss, cmon get up. Katniss?" I say.

My attempts to wake her are pointless because she's still unconscious. I take this time to check out her wounds. She's bleeding pretty badly and I rip off a piece of my shirt to use as a wrap to stop the bleeding. The worst injuring, I decide, is the one on her forearm so I wrap that first. I'm careful because I'm sure it hurts and I don't want to cause anymore damage. I then check her calf and rip another part of my shirt off so I can wrap that also.

I gather her in my arms to look for anything else I can help. I look at her face and for once she seems peaceful. The tear stains are still there, but her face is natural and calm. She has a couple scratches, but they can heal on their own time, I can't help them now. I inspect the rest of her exposed body and come to the conclusion there is nothing more I can do. Her clothes are shredded so I take off my own slightly torn jacket and put it over her. I gather her warm body in my arms and I carefully head back in the direction I came.

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Well holy intenseness, Batman. I hope you liked this chapter.. I struggled with it a little bit so some reviews would be really nice… But as always I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and tell me what you think! What happens now that they both have realized their feelings? Will anything happen? Hmm..


	10. The Deadly Nightmare

Suzanne Collins gave us The Hunger Games

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Consciousness is varying.

I feel I'm held up against a body. My eyes are closing before I register much else.

I feel the air around my face when I come to once more. Like before I slip under.

I can't open my eyes, but I feel the searing pain in my shoulder by an arm around it. I feel another arm under my knees. I want to keep awake, but the darkness pulls me back.

My sight comes in flashes and I see the trees and dirt whizzing by. I see the outline of a face, but then I just become confused and welcome the dark.

The dark turns into vivid images which turn into nightmares.

In my dream I'm walking in the woods. The clouds are dark, too dark. The leaves are not their normal luscious green, but a crimson, bloody red. Then the trees appear to be crying tears of blood from the leaves. I feel the tears fall onto my forearm and I try to wipe them away, but they keep coming. The tears pool and it creates a type of mirror. In it is my sister and she's crying the tears of blood. I suddenly am inside the pool of blood on my arm and Prim is before me. She has fallen to the ground and is now clutching my calf. Her tears have found their way to my lower leg and her nails have embedded themselves into my skin. She is slowly peeling off the layers of skin on my leg and it is excruciating. It seems in my dream I'm frozen because I can't move or do anything to stop this. Then out of nowhere is a faceless man with blonde hair. My brain connects it with Peeta immediately and the pain in my arm and leg are subsiding. He calls to Prim and she gets up. This is when my dream changes entirely.

"No, Prim! Come back!" I yell

Prim turns around and her eyes have rid themselves of the blood. She says to me, "Katniss, be happy. Let me go, and live a healthy life in district 12 with Peeta. Did you know he really loves you?"

I'm taken aback by her knowledge of Peeta's feelings.

In my dream we're surrounded by white all of a sudden and the blonde, Peeta figure is gone. Prim is now standing, white, clean and pristine. She's walking away from me again.

"No, please, he doesn't feel that way anymore, and I don't care about him, I-" I'm interrupted by her slow, even tone.

"You do care about him, silly Katniss. You are always trying to be brave and strong for everyone that you don't listen to the ones around you. He still loves you." Prim said.

I'm brought back into a room with sobs desperately escaping my mouth. As the cries are leaving my lips I feel a strong pair of arms around me, only this time, I'm not afraid. They feel familiar and I hope I know who they belong to.

"Peeta..?" I squeak out after the screams have subsided.

"Shh.." he says. "I'm here, its okay. You're safe now and the dogs can't get you. You're safe."

I begin to slowly lift my head, "What happened?" I asked hoarsely.

I feel Peeta shuffle slightly to accommodate my head and then he speaks, "You were attacked by wild dogs but I followed you into the woods, you were a fighter, but you couldn't take them all. I took care of them all except one so beware if you go in the woods okay? Or just don't go in at all without me.." I don't think he meant for me to hear that last part, but I can't help it. I begin to sit up a little more and realize I'm on a bed.

"Where are we?" I ask and for the first time I'm looking at Peeta's sculpted face. His eyes are a clear blue and his eyebrows cover them perfectly. There is a cut above his left one and I remind myself to ask him about it later. I see his perfectly square jaw tighten and his cheeks become redder by the second. He's looking away from me and I realize he's embarrassed. I don't understand why he would feel that way. Then he spoke, "Well I brought you back to your house and I knew we both couldn't fit on the couch.. So.." He's stumbling over himself at this point and I realize why he's embarrassed. He wanted to stay with me and brought me to my bed, where we clearly have been since he brought me here.

We used to spend nights together and nothing ever happened. We weren't like that we just needed the comfort of one another and so we slept in the same bed. But this hasn't happened since the Quarter Quell and I understand his embarrassment.

"So you brought me to my bed." I finish his sentence for him. "Yes, I'm sorry.." Peeta says and he's getting up off of my bed. No, he can't leave now. I won't let him go especially when he has nothing to be sorry for. I grab his wrist before he can get away. I realize I grabbed him with my left arm that is covered in shirt material. I see it for the first time and I realize I'm in a lot of pain. I take my arm back and wince. Instead I try words, "No, Peeta, please don't go. I don't want you to go and I don't want you to be sorry okay?"

He looks down at me and slides back into my bed on my left side. He puts his arm behind my head and I lay my head on his shoulder. I can't see his face but I feel he's smiling.

I'm still holding onto my arm and realize the blood has gone through the makeshift bandage. Peeta realizes this also and takes my arm in his right hand. He lifts his right arm over my head to assist his examination.

He unwraps my arm and my stomach does flips. I've never been one to welcome the sight of jagged flesh and Peeta knows this.

"Don't look at it and it won't seem so bad." He says.

"Nothing seems bad if you don't look at it." I retort. He gives me his sad eyes and I wonder if he thinks that is how I viewed him. Maybe he thought by me avoiding him I was holding onto the old Peeta. Does he know I think of him as two versions of himself? Doubtful, I have never told anyone my thoughts on that except Prim and it was in my dreams.

"I would always watch you, you know." I say and he looks quizzically at me so I continue. "When you would plant the pri- uh bushes," I keep going despite my inability to speak my sister's name. "My eyes always drifted to you if I was ever in the same area as you. Even if I wasn't I would always find myself drifting in your direction. Peeta," I pause unsure of my next thought. "I think, I think I love you." With that last statement I look up at his face.

He's smiling at me, but it is a dark smile. Then I look and somehow he has his left hand wrapped around a long, sharp knife. He plunges it into the wound on my left arm and is carving out the bite mark.

I wake up and I'm screaming bloody murder.

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Betcha no one saw that coming! Just a little twist I wanted to throw in there. Tell me what you think! As always review and tell me if you love it or hate it.. What happens now that Katniss has had such a vivid nightmare? What will her reaction be when she wakes up? What will Peeta do to reassure her? Hmmmmm!


	11. The Love In The Gestures

I really loved that twist on the last chapter.. Did I fool anyone? No? haha oh well, enjoy this very lovely chapter. I love it so much and I hope you do too!

Suzanne Collins.. The Hunger Games.. There's only so many ways a person can phrase this.

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I'm crying and thrashing around and trying to cast away all images of Peeta trying to hurt me. I know I have to deal with the fact I said I loved him in my nightmare, but I can't. The tears just won't stop and I'm about to throw up. I open my eyes to discover I am in fact in my room, on my bed. I don't look around for fear of who else is in here with me. I throw off the covers and race to my bathroom. I did get a glimpse of my room and ushered a sigh of relief when no one was there.

I hate the feeling of throwing up. It feels like someone is pulling my soul out of my body and I have to hold onto anything to keep it inside me. After the contents of my stomach are fully deposited, I just lean myself onto the toilet. For fear I'd get sick all over again I stay in this position, arms draped over the edge and my face pushed against the porcelain.

Then I hear quiet knocking on the bathroom door. My body freezes and for a moment I almost get sick again.

Then I hear his voice and the feeling somewhat goes away, "Katniss? Are you okay?"

"Yeah" is all I croak out. "Can I come in?" He asks. I panic a little. No, this isn't your dream, he's the boy with the bread and he would never hurt you. I tell myself that a few more times before I speak. "Yes, sure, but I'm warning you, I look and feel like hell."

He ignores that last part and comes in anyways. He crouches to the floor and puts a hand on my back, rubbing it to help. I close my eyes because this feels nice, and it doesn't feel like I'm the one with the wounds and a weak stomach. Just then I remember my arm and the nightmare. I look at it and it has a clean dressing with no blood seeping through. My arm may be fine, but my leg is a different story. I do see a little blood, it must have been only a small dot, but it was enough to get my stomach turning. I throw up again and Peeta is holding my stray hair that has come out of my braid.

When I finish I feel so bad that Peeta had to be here for this, "I'm sorry, this isn't very pretty.." I hear him chuckle. "It's okay, I think you're beautiful." I just look up at him, and he looks different than in my nightmare. He looks so free and is smiling. He doesn't have a cut above his eyebrow and his hair is a little tamer. I prefer this face to the one in my dream.

I begin to get up, completely ignoring his last comment. I start to wobble due to the dizziness that consumes me. He catches me with ease and holds me to his chest. I just wrap my arms around him and let him hold me here. It's warm here and I never want to leave. I notice his shirt has changed from the previous day. Now he's wearing a light blue shirt that is soft against my face. All thoughts on my nightmare leave me and I know this boy here does love me. Prim was right.

Before I could think anymore on that my wounded leg gives out, the pain was just too much. Peeta gathers me in his arms once more and he brings me down stairs to the kitchen. I'm confused as to what he's doing when he sets me on the table and I understand. My mother used to do the same thing with her patients; she would have them get on the table so she could examine them further. This is what Peeta was doing now. He propped my leg up and undid the now unclean bandage. I look only at his face so I don't get sick once again.

"Where did you learn to take care of people so well?" I ask. He still keeps his eyes on what he's doing and he replies, "From my dad. He was great at fixing up our scratches and cuts. He was a good man that took care of my brothers and I when we got roughed up by our mother.." At that my heart went out to him. Peeta's mother was never kind and I saw that when he threw me the bread. I never understood how his father could stay with a woman like that, or what made her so hurtful. "I'm sorry she hurt you so much." He actually looked up at me then, "Thank you, but it is okay now, I am who I am and I get to be with you."

Why does he say these things? I know why, and I don't even pretend that I don't.

I lay there while he applies some medicine, unknown to me, on my leg and bandages it again with fresh supplies. "Where did you get all of this?" It has been on my mind since I saw the new wrappings. "Haymitch saw me carrying you out of the woods and was actually really worried for you. He told me he had some bandages in his house and that he'd bring them over here. I did have your arm and leg wrapped in my t shirt, but I knew that wouldn't last and I think Haymitch knew this as well. He said he would get me a change of clothes and gave me what sterile supplies he had. When he came back he said he had ordered more to be sent. They came in this morning and that is why I wasn't there when you woke up."

I don't know what to say, but I know I owe Haymitch some bottles of white liquor.

Peeta helps me up, slowly this time as to not make me woozy again. When I am standing, leaning against the table, he wraps his arms around me once again like he can't seem to stop holding me. I don't mind. Then he whispers, "I was so scared, Katniss. I thought you were gone." I put my arms around him and rub his back, this time hoping it is comforting him. "I'll never let you go, Peeta." At this his tears began to fall. We stay like this for a long time.

Then someone is knocking at the door and I part from Peeta only to be met by another familiar face at the door.

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OOOOOOhhhhhhh who's at the door? Anyone? Thoughts? Ahhhh I loved this chapter haha and things are going to pick up now. Please review and tell me what you think! Thank you for reading! And thank you so much for the great reviews.. They make me happy. And a spelling mistake was pointed out in chapter 6.. sorry I never noticed!


	12. An Unforgotten Friend

I love Katniss and Peeta and their cuteness in the last chapter. Too bad trouble comes knocking at the door… :)

Suzanne Collins owns my favorite couple..

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When you're young you never mean to befriend people. You meet other kids and you talk, but you never mean to find your best friend. It isn't in your plans to seek out another human being that you can call a friend for the rest of eternity. So when it happens, it's kind of strange. It's rare to find that other person so young in life that understands you exactly and can relate to how you feel. It's rare to meet that one person that knows just how to put things to make you smile. It's also kind of funny when you find another person whose father has just died the same exact way, shape and time as your own.

This is how I met Gale. I guess I really met him in the woods when I found his snare. He told me stealing was a crime. We actually weren't friends for a while, we didn't trust one another. That is until his father died with my own in the mines. There was an explosion, and poof, our dads were gone for the rest of our lives. It happens that fast. We were lucky enough, though, because our dads taught us how to hunt and survive on the wild before their deaths. Of course even the company of one another didn't smother the loneliness in our hearts caused by the loss of our parents. Despite it all, we still became friends, we even trusted one another to get game to trade and feed our families with.

People assumed we would get married, and maybe we would have, but I never felt that way about him. Neither of us wanted a life like that, well, I didn't anyways. We were always close friends so getting married made sense, but it didn't make me want to.

I think it was our closeness that, when Gale's bombs killed my sister, made it more painful to know it was by his hand that my sister was dead. I know he never dropped the bombs, I know he never planned for it, and I know he would never go out of his way to kill the only person in life I ever loved.

These things I know, but yet I still wish he wasn't standing at my front door. "Gale?" It was then I remembered the letter address to me, still sitting among my trash.

"Hey, Catnip!" He said with a huge grin. I still had the confused look on my face and when I didn't say anything he did, "I know I'm earlier than I had said in the letter, I had a job but it didn't take quite as long as I had anticipated. I didn't think you would mind me crashing in your nice, fancy house a few weeks early." The fact is I did care. I didn't want him here in the first place and I thought I had more time to tell him so.

Maybe the old me, the one before the Quarter Quell, before the fake pregnancy and marriage, before the Games, would have been just fine with this plan. The person I am right now though, does not care to spend time with him.

I had forgotten all about Peeta until he spoke, "You probably should have given her a little warning." He looks a little hardened since Gale's arrival on my front steps. It was then I realized he caught the part about the letter and he knows I didn't tell him about it. I feel horrible because he was just bombarded with this.

I look back at Gale and he has the same hard expression, his grin has completely disappeared. He takes a step into my house and with annoyance in his voice says, "What are you, her butler? Maybe we can fight about it." He tries to walk by me but I don't let him. What the hell is his problem? Instead I push Gale out onto my porch and I look back at Peeta, "Please just stay here. Don't leave. I know we need to talk later, okay?" He nods, but I know he's still hurt about the letter and Gale's reaction to him. I nod back and close the door behind me.

"What the hell, Gale? You can't just go and start fights four seconds after returning." I practically yell at him.

He looks hard back at me, "Well he shouldn't have interfered, and I wasn't talking to him."

I don't know what has gotten into him, but if Gale continues, all we are going to do is fight and I don't want to fight. Everything hurts too much to fight with my former best friend. I sigh and clutch my arm to hold the pain in.

"You can't stay at my house, Gale. You can stay in the empty house behind here, but you can't stay with me." I start to walk down the porch steps so he can follow me to the house.

"It's because of him, isn't it? Is that why I can't stay in your house? Or are you still going to hold Prim over my head?" he says. I can tell as soon as he said it he regretted it. Even so at the mention of my little sister's name I turn right around.

"Listen to me, and I'm not playing games here. I don't want you in my damn house. It has nothing to do with Peeta, even if it did, it is none of your business. And one more thing, never ever speak my sister's name. Now, if you want to sleep somewhere other than outside tonight, you will follow me and you will shut up."

"Well," he replies. "Now you seem like the girl I remember. I know I crossed the line though, and I'm sorry." I didn't acknowledge him anymore. I'm not who he remembers. He knows I'm mad and he knows that he can't talk me out of my anger. I realize now how different he is from Peeta. Peeta can probably talk me into feeling anyway he wanted. Gale, on the other hand, just makes me angry when he speaks.

How did things change so much?

We arrive at the empty house. It has started to become chilly outside so I turn the heat on. I turn to him and he surprises me by enveloping me in a weak hug. It was still enough to make me wince. My shoulder hasn't completely healed.

I had figured out what it struck when I went home. It was a stray nail that I had never noticed before. It must have held a picture at some point or something. It didn't pierce skin, but it did leave quite the nasty bruise.

Gale notices it and for the first time he asks me about my bandages, "What happened? Did he hurt you?" I kind of chuckle at this because he thinks Peeta was the one to hurt me.

"No, I had a nasty run in with a pack of wild dogs" I say. I probably could have said 'I walked into a door', like the common spousal response to questions asked of random bruises with the look Gale gave me. I hear him mutter something about killing Peeta and I become alarmed. I don't want anything to start while he's here and I surely won't allow him to lay a finger on Peeta. I'm not sure how to convince him, but I try.

"No really, he actually saved me. I went out to the woods and I never heard the dogs and they attacked me. He was brave enough to follow me into the woods and he fought off all of the dogs. He carried me back here and he even dressed my wounds. He has been my savior, so you have no reason to hurt him."

"You chose him over me that alone is enough." He said. It finally dawns on me why he acted as he did at my house and why he has been so jealous. I can't deal with this. I huff a frustrated sigh. If this is why he's here, he can leave. "Enjoy your stay." I say curtly and walk out.

I still have a slight limp from my calf injury, so stairs bring a little bit of pain. The pain and the frustration together make me irritable and I want to sleep. It seems foreign to me that I actually want to sleep. I make my way back, still a little angry at what Gale said. I walk into my house, Peeta completely forgotten in my mind, but when I see him it all comes back. If even possible, the sight of him makes me even more tired.

He has jumped off of the couch, probably to confront me, but I walk right past him. While doing so I grabbed his hand and held on while I walked towards the stairs. I know I caught him off guard and I know I have to say something. I don't even turn my head towards him, I just say, "I'm exhausted and I need to sleep. I'm going to bed and you are going with me." By the time I finished we were in my room. I lay down and after a few seconds have gone by without Peeta in my bed I look at him. He's shifting his weight from foot to foot and I know he wants to talk, but I can't even keep my eyes open for much longer. The day's events have gotten to me and I want to forget it as soon as possible. "Peeta," I start. "Please? I promise we will talk tomorrow, but for right now I'm extremely irritated and I hurt everywhere.." At that last part he was beside me at once.

"What hurts?" he asks.

"Nothing. Well, everything. I just want to sleep okay?" I tell him. He agrees by sliding in next to me. I curl up to him and he puts his right arm behind my head while pulling up the blankets at the same time. My head fits just right in the crook of his neck and I feel so warm and comfortable. He puts his left arm around my waist and it feels so right.

For the first time since I can remember I slept dreamlessly and I know it was Peeta's protective arms that kept them away.

xxxxx

Ohh Gale.. I had a hard time writing him because I never got much of a feel for him in the books.. Oh well, I tried and for that I deserve reviews haha What do you think will happen now? What can Gale possibly do to mess things up? Tell me what you think! Also I'm pretty stoaked because I got the soundtrack for the movie today.. Uhh excited? Why yes, yes I am. (sorry for the long note here) I have five other pages of this story done so updates will be plentiful don't worry :)


	13. Life Changes In A Moment

Hi everyone! So sorry it's been so long.. Busy busy and I'm sure you all are just _dying_ to hear all about it. Haha I won't say much more so you can get to reading :)

Suzanne Collins owns The Hunger Games

xxxxx

I wake up in the morning and everything seems brighter. I'm not sure if it is because I slept so well or because I woke up to Peeta's face just inches from mine, but the day has just begun and I already feel happy. I lost myself for a moment and almost kiss Peeta because he's so close, but I remind myself that neither of us is ready for that kind of step, not when we're both so broken.

I carefully untangle myself from him and lift off the covers. I don't want to wake him because of how peaceful he looks so I take extra care when getting out of bed. He stirs slightly and rolls over. His body must have known mine was missing when his hand touched nothing but a pillow because he opened his eyes. I decide he's half dreaming when he mumbles something about not going to get the pumpkins. I lean over and whisper soothing things in his ear.

"It's okay, I just need to shower. I'll be back." I tell him. That must have been enough for his dreaming mind because he closed his eyes and his breathing became even once more.

I try to be as quiet as possible when retrieving my clothing. I tiptoe into the bathroom attached to my room and I turn on the water. I'm in and out of the shower as quickly as I can manage because of my bandages and I already miss his arms around me.

I'm lying if I say I don't need him.

I step out of the shower and towel dry myself. I quickly put on my underclothes and step into some jeans. I pull my light green long sleeved shirt over my head and realize I haven't done anything with my hair. I quickly brush it and even though it is still sopping wet, I don't braid it because I don't want to waste anymore time. I crawl back into bed right next to Peeta hoping to soak up all his warmth.

My cold, wet hair must have woken him up because he opens his eyes and looks at me. I lay my head down on his chest and I feel the movement, up and down. He wraps his arms around my back and then I feel light tugging on my head.

I look up at Peeta and he just says, "I like your hair much better braided." And he smiles. "Don't get me wrong," he chuckles. "I love it down too. Maybe it's just an excuse to play with your hair. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's it." I laugh and put my head back in its original position so he can continue to play and braid with my hair. He put a rubber band at the end that I handed him when he is finished.

"How did you ever learn to braid?" I ask.

"I can't remember fully, but I think I used to braid bread loaves."

"Why?"

"Well some bread, the really fancy kind that we hardly ever sold to District 12, has a kind of braided top to it. I'm pretty sure that is how I learned. It was either that or all the time I spent staring at your hair really paid off." He laughs at himself and I feel his laughter while on his chest. I laugh too because it is kind of funny to think he used to pay my hair that much attention. I'm not even a little bit bothered by it because there are worse things in life.

After lying like this for a while I hear Peeta's stomach rumble. "Sorry about that." He says.

"No it's okay, I'm hungry too. I wonder if Sae has been here yet." I say. We get off the bed and he follows me into the kitchen. It must be well into the morning because there is a tray of food on the counter with a note telling me how much Sae misses her squirrels.

"I need to go hunting, Sae needs her squirrels. And I owe her for everything she does around here." I say out loud not really looking for a response. I bring over the tray to Peeta, who is already sitting at the table. We see different things on the tray varying from fruit to oatmeal to stew. I pick up an apple while leaning against the counter and take a bite. He goes for the stew.

"You didn't have any nightmares last night." Peeta states randomly before bring the spoon to his lips. He's right, I didn't and that fact alone makes me happy.

"No, I didn't and I'm not complaining either." I say.

Peeta looks sad for a moment and he looks down at his stew. "I hear you screaming after you have a bad one. I always hoped you would go back to sleep and finally get some rest, but you never did."

I realize how sad this fact has made him over the time we've been back here. I never thought anyone could really hear me; I'll have to try and smother my screams from now on.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't think anyone could hear me." I say. Peeta gets up and comes over to me so he's standing in front of me. I lean my head onto his chest and wrap my arms around his torso. This action just seems natural lately so it is what I do. His movements are similar to mine and he has his hands rubbing my back in an instant. I close my eyes because of how calm this makes me.

Peeta kisses the top of my head and says, "Don't feel bad, if I hadn't been such a coward I would have been over in an instant to help." I would have said anything countering his coward comment, but my mind won't work now that he is soothing me with a wonderful back rub. It's almost unfair how he can have such an effect on me.

Peeta pulls away from me to throw away his trash and remains by the trashcan. I turn to him, already feeling an emptiness that only he can fill, wondering what's keeping him there. It is then that I notice he has the letter from Gale in his hands. Panic fills my every nerve and I go over to him to try and get the letter back because I don't want him to read it. I know I have no reason to not let him, but it still is my letter, addressed to me, and he shouldn't read it.

I go over to him and touch his back and I feel his ridged posture. Dread replaces the panic that I felt only moments before. I look at his face and his eyes are held tightly shut. I know instantly that Peeta is struggling to remain in control. I know he's trying to fight off an incoming hallucination.

At first I step back and my mind is flooded with memories of the last time this happened. His eyes going from blue to black. His grip on my wrist. His strong hatred towards me and his severe confusion of the situation. He was so hurt and conflicted and I did it to him, just like I'm doing to him now. I'm just one painful reminder after the next. I still can't manage to save him. I just can't manage to keep him safe and instantly we're back in the arena. The memories I have are vivid and I just want it all to end. But in my memories is the blonde boy who smiled and despite his own injuries, was more concerned with me. I just have to remind myself this boy cares enough for me to heal my wounds and right now he needs me. I'm brought back to the present and the developing crisis.

I'm not sure where I find my courage, but I go back to him and I place my right hand on his back and my left hand grabs a hold of his left hand. He has balled up his fists so I work hard to unclench them before his fingernails make him bleed. I begin to rub his back and hope it is almost over and that he feels as much comfort when I do this as I feel when he does it to me.

Beads of sweat are starting to form on his forehead and I know I have to wait this out while he battles this in his own mind. Whatever is going on there, it was triggered by the letter and I can only imagine how much he hates me.

"Katniss," he croaks. "I don't know if I can control it."

"Shh.. Just work through it, Peeta. I'm not letting you go remember?" I say to him in soothing tones. I repeat how I'm not going to let him go a few more times so he understands it. Finally, I lay my head on his shoulder and hope it is enough for him to come out of this.

Then I'm not really sure what happens next.

"I need to go for a walk." He says as he shrugs me off and walks past me. He is crumpling the letter and throwing it back in the trash violently. I know he's angry now, but I can't tell if he's over his hallucination fully. I also don't know what to do now that Peeta has rejected me so strongly.

I stand there staring at the letter crumpled in my trash for a moment. I eventually find my voice and hope it doesn't sound like a ball has lodged itself in my throat, just like it feels. "Wait, no!" I yell after him and whip my head in his direction, but he was already out the door.

I stand there stunned knowing that Peeta technically just walked out on me. He just left and he's angry.

Before I can fall to pieces I go to the phone that I never use except for the mandatory phone sessions with the stupid doctor. I pick up the hand held part of the phone and I dial Haymitch's number.

"'ello?" he answers, clearly drunk.

"Haymitch, it's me, Katniss."

"'atniss? Well wattaya know, it's the Mockinjay 'erself" Oh yeah, he's definitely useless, but I need him.

"Listen to me. Peeta and I just had a small fight, I think. Anyways, Haymitch I need you to keep Gale busy okay? I don't want him coming to my house, can you handle that?" It's quiet on the other line. I almost shout his name over the receiver, but then he speaks.

"Kid, go to him. I'll keep the pretty boy busy. Maybe I'll just drug him with liquor or something.." He's trailed off trying to come up with a plan. I'm shocked at how clear Haymitch spoke and decided against bringing it up. I now figure he fakes a lot of his drunkenness, but who knows why Haymitch does the things he does?

"Thank you, and please don't drug him. Just keep him busy."

I hang up and weigh my options with what Haymitch told me to do. If I go in search of Peeta he could be angry and finally know my flaws and want nothing to do with me. He could also still be under his hallucination. On the other hand, he could welcome me with open arms and tell me to forget the whole thing. That last option is highly unlikely so I forget it as soon as it came. If I wait here, though, he could come back with more of a level head. Or he could never come back and where would that leave me?

I decide to wait for another twenty minutes and if he still isn't back I'll go out to find him.

I have to tell myself this is the best plan I could have under the circumstances. Peeta has never been truly angry with me, except in his trackerjacker venom days. I have to shake my head of the terrible memories of Peeta wrapping his fingers around my throat and squeezing the life out of me. I have to try to forget the miserable words he said to me. Instead I try to remember the sweetness that is only Peeta Mellark.

I lean against the wall and slowly slide down until I'm sitting on the floor, my knees to my chin.

I take this time to completely fall apart while remembering the boy with the bread.

I remember the kindness he showed me when he threw me the burned loaf. I remember the boy I kept alive in the cave. I remember the heart he had and how he wouldn't let me risk my own life to save his. I remember the nights on the train when he would keep my nightmares at bay simply by being with me and in arms reach. I remember the gentle rub on my back while I got sick two mornings ago and the tender touch and attention he gave to dressing my wounds.

It was these little things that made me realize I really cared for him. I don't understand this feeling and I'm certain I've only felt it once before. But that feeling was a little different from the one I feel now. It isn't that it is foreign completely, but it is something I've tried to bury deep within myself to avoid the pain that comes with it. The thing is I do know what to call this, but I'm afraid to utter it aloud.

More than twenty minutes have gone by I'm sure. I was just about to get up when I heard my kitchen door click open. I didn't bother hoping for him to be at the door and it turns out I didn't need to. He slowly walks in and sits across from me. When I finally lift my eyes to look into his, I can't see them because they are downcast. He looks flushed and I can't tell if he's shaking from anger or the cold weather. I decide it's a little bit of both and I wait until he's ready to say something.

"You lied to me," He paused. "Again." His voice nearly breaks my heart.

"I didn't lie to you Peeta, I just didn't tell you." I plead.

"If you had to omit it, it was a lie." I think he's getting angrier by the moment.

"It isn't that I omitted it, it just never came up in conversation and quite frankly I had forgotten it myself." I tell him the whole, honest truth hoping it will calm him.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" With that question he flicks his eyes up to meet mine. Hope replaces anger in his big blue eyes.

"I'm not sure, I never wanted him to come. I would have just told him to stay where he was and then forget the whole thing." I don't think this is the correct answer because he sighs and gets up. He walks towards my door and he looks over his shoulder, but not at me and says, "I'm going to sleep at my house." With that he was out my door and probably out of my life. I know that can't happen completely because District 12 is being rebuilt and we are two of the very few here right now so we would have to interact eventually. At least this is what I convince myself of.

It doesn't work.

I don't even pretend not to be crushed. I stay on the floor and I crumple over, letting the tears wash my face. I know he doesn't want me, why would he? I'll never deserve that boy. I am practically in the fetal position, sobs wracking my whole body. When did I become so weak? When did I become this shell of a person?

I can't be sure what makes me black out, whether it was the sobs and the emotional toll of the day or me hitting my head against the floor, but it happens anyways. I'm going to guess, though, it was the head hitting.

I come to a few hours later and everything hurts. It wasn't a full sleep so I couldn't dream, but it still made me feel empty inside to wake up and feel even worse. I decide it couldn't hurt to go up to my bed and be hollow and empty there, at least I would be comfortable. So I climb my stairs and plopp on my bed. I try not to think about how the last time I was in this bed I wasn't alone and I was happy. It's funny how a day can drastically change going from one extreme to another.

I begin to sob into my pillow not even caring about my volume. Maybe if I'm loud enough he'll hear me and come back like we talked about earlier.

It never happens. For a fraction of a second I agree with Peeta that he is a coward, but then I remember who the real coward is: me. I should have told him, but I'm still only looking out for me in this huge arena we call life.

At some point between cries I had fallen asleep. Sleep really isn't the correct term. Unconsciousness is more like it. I don't dream and I don't rejuvenate. I just am.

I awoke with the light coming through my curtains. I realize I spent the night alone and I'm even more heartbroken. This empty feeling, I never want to feel this way, I never want to be in this place.

And I know whose fault this is.

I jump out of bed and race down the stairs. After my horrible night last night, I get a little woozy and I drastically slow my pace. Determination holds me steady and keeps me on path. The anger I feel is almost overwhelming, but I know I can put it to good use. I'm out the door and on my way to the house behind me when a voice speaks, "Where you headed so fast, Catnip?" Gale is wearing his cocky smile and I just want to wipe it off his face.

This is exactly what I do next. "Haymitch took me out into the woods yesterday-" I don't even let him finish, I slap Gale right across the face.

"Ow! What the hell, Katniss?" he yells at me.

"That was for the letter." I say. I get even closer to him, "And this," I raise my right hand to strike his other cheek. "Is for ruining my life and possibly the only semblance of happiness I've ever had!" I'm about to make contact when he grabs my wrist. I'm surprised by his quickness.

He pulls me in by my hips by scooping his arm behind my lower back. He is pulling my back towards his and for a hurried, rushed moment his lips are on mine. He's angrily mashing our faces together. I'm shocked but after a few seconds it wears off. I've come to my senses and I've pushed him away while he still holds onto my wrist.

I look past Gale and out of the corner of my vision I see the one person that I spent all night hoping to see.

Peeta.

No. No no no no no! I think I see a few stray tears fall from his eyes, but it's hard to see at this distance. He turns right around and runs in the other direction. No, no, no. I can't believe this and I get so angry. I'm pounding Gale with my free left hand. I push him away from me when he lets my right wrist go. I'm wiping my mouth trying to dispose of all traces of his kiss lingering on my lips.

"Go. Home. Gale." I say between gritted teeth.

I ready myself and take my final swing. My fist makes contact with his jaw and I hear a sickening breaking sound. I can't help but feel pleased with the outcome.

I take off in Peeta's direction hoping I can find him, but Gale gets his last words in, "Don't worry, Peeta, that wasn't the first time I've gotten to kiss her!" I'm mortified. He still thinks that kiss on the outskirts of the woods was something I enjoyed. Now I'm sure Peeta heard him and I'm sure he's more upset. I want to kill Gale for the pain and trouble he's about to cause.

xxxxx

Well.. That was a lot. I didn't want to sway opinion before the chapter was even read, but I'm not too sure I liked this. I know I say that a lot about my writing, but this one I really struggled with and that is probably why it took so long for me to write it. It would be really awesome if you guys could review and let me know if I hit or missed the mark on this one. Also was Katniss right or wrong in not telling Peeta? Should she have kept it from him? Was Peeta justified in his anger? And who just wants to punch Gale right now? Haha you don't have to answer that last question :D Review!


	14. Wounds, Pain and Empty Hearts

I super love this chapter. I had it all done, but it was really short and it didn't end how I wanted it and so I rewrote it. I put in little memories of Katniss' dad and it was super fun to write. But anywho I hope you all enjoy :)

Suzanne Collins wrote The Hunger Games.. if she didn't I'd actually have to get a life.. Lame.

xxxxx

I'm trying to follow Peeta, but that proves to be harder than thought possible.

When I was in the forest once with my father before he died, he caught sight of a small rabbit. I was small enough so that I did not understand the importance of patients and silence so I hurriedly ran to catch it and in doing so broke a lot of twigs. In short, I made a lot of noise and it scared the little animal away. I became upset and thought my father was disappointed in me for scaring the catch away. He just looked down at me with accepting, understanding eyes. "We'll find him, Katniss, I promise." Is what he said. I trusted my father with my whole heart and my doubt was replaced with determination. It was then he taught me how to track animals and what to look for. Broken twigs, prints, and sometimes even smells were some of the things he taught me to look out for.

All I feel right now is anger towards Gale. I want to do more than punch him in the face and perhaps I will get to at some point. How could he do this? He knows I never felt that way about him. I don't really know how else I can tell him, I just don't feel for him in that way. He had no right to kiss me like that and I feel completely violated. My mind drifts to the many ways I can do damage. While thinking I seem to stumble over a stray rock, at least I tell myself it's a rock because it could very likely be a skull. I realize I'm useless if all I can think about is my pending revenge. I focus all my energy on the task at hand and I put aside my anger. I see a couple of footprints in the mud that looks fairly fresh.

I summon the fond memories of my father and try very hard to remember his words of advice. "Walk slow and remember your prey is delicate when threatened." I remember him saying this to me when I was about eight years old. I had been going after a very rare deer. It had heard me and ran, but with my father's help we had tracked it down again. The animal knew I was close once more and this is why my dad spoke. He knew I would be too impatient to wait for the best moment.

It was his little warnings to me, "When you fear you are losing prey, stop. Take a moment and breath. Take in the scents around you and pick out that one odd smell". It's funny to remember this and I almost smile because I had to smell for poop to learn it. I don't really remember why, some lesson he was trying to teach me, I guess. Either way I had to smell for poop and it was great.

I'm sniffing, looking, and searching desperately to find Peeta. I find another set of muddy tracks but that brings me up empty. I'm now just going in circles and I know my father would be disappointed in me because I can't track a single boy. I'm becoming more worried as time goes on and I begin to imagine the worst. Peeta told me one dog out of the pack that attacked me got away, what if it came back and got him? All these nasty scenarios are running through my mind at breakneck speed. I need to find him.

I give up trying to follow him and diminish my pride and ask for help. I run to Haymitch's house and loudly pound on the door right up until he opens it. I almost continue pounding despite the door being open and Haymitch's face was almost a casualty of my fists. I would apologize but all my thoughts are on the boy with the bread. The lost boy with the bread.

"I.. I can't find Peeta!" I say frantically, not even trying to hide the panic in my voice.

"Well, where'd you leave him last, Sweetheart?" He said a little annoyed, but amused at the same time.

"No," I begin and then rush my words. "You don't understand. We had a huge fight about Gale coming to visit and the letter he wrote me. Peeta left me last night and I hadn't seen him since until this morning. He saw," I have to calm myself down before I get too emotional. "He saw Gale kiss me and then he took off and Haymitch I can't find him!" By the end I'm so unraveled I nearly have to grab onto something to keep steady.

"Are you serious? I feel like I'm babysitting a bunch of children." He says definitely irritated. He continues, "You stay at your house in case Peeta comes back to talk. He likes to do that so wait there for him. I'm gonna go look for the boy. Don't do anything stupid and for god's sake don't let Gale in your house. Got it, Mockingjay?" I nod my head and unlike the last time he asked me if I understood I went without hesitation. Maybe Peeta had gone back to my house to talk this out. I remained hopeful until I reached my home, but then it was all squashed because he wasn't there waiting for me on my front steps.

I'm tired and worn from the horrible night prior and the aching in my heart has yet to subside. I walked up my steps slowly and entered my house at the same pace, if not slower. I don't want to be a sitting duck while Haymitch is out looking for Peeta. I don't want to be helpless. Just then it begins to rain and after a few minutes there is a full storm outside. I hear the thunder and see the flashes of lightning and for a moment a new wave of terror has hit because the only people that keep me from being utterly alone in this world are outside in this terrible storm.

Just as I'm about to put my foot on the first step to go upstairs and see if I can see anything from my windows, my telephone rings. Maybe it's Haymitch and he's found Peeta! I race to my phone, tripping on everything, while holding onto hope yet again.

Unbeknownst to me my hope was about to be permanently severed for the day.

"Hello?" I answer excitedly hoping the old drunk is on the other end with good news.

"Hi, is this Katniss Everdeen?" says a woman that sounds like she has passed her prim years and well into old age.

"Uh, yes, yes it is," I say slightly confused at the voice on the other end. "Who is this?"

"My name is Faye and I'm calling on behalf of your mother. Katniss," The woman sighed and my heart rate increased tenfold. "I'm sorry to inform you, your mother is very ill, it isn't looking good. She contracted some sort of rare infection while taking care of the sick here. I've gotten you special privileges to leave District 12 and come here tomorrow, but only for the day. I'm sorry that was all I could do for you. Hon, I'm so sorry."

I held the phone to my chest cutting off the lady's voice to my ears. I slid down the wall and landed on the floor with a soft thud. My eyes are wide and I can't quite grasp the concept of my mother dying. I don't know how long I've been like this but I hear a muffled "Hello? Dear?" and I lift the phone back to my ear with a trembling hand.

"Yes, sorry," I clear my throat to dislodge whatever has gotten stuck there. "Thank you for informing me. How will I be transported from District 12 to District 4?"

"A hovercraft will be there to escort you to the hospital here. They should be there around eleven. And Katniss," The woman pauses. I feel like she's talking to me like we've known each other for years. She is a kind woman, but right now I loath her voice for having to tell me such news. She begins again, "Katniss you have done the whole country of Panam a great service and it really troubles my heart to have to tell you about this, but it has been an honor to have spoken with you. Have a safe trip, goodbye." And with that she hung up without even waiting for my reply.

I am no hero, I was merely a figurehead. I couldn't even save my own sister and now mother. And Peeta is off somewhere because I couldn't save him from the heartache and pain I took a vow to fix. Already I miss his voice and his gentle smile when I would tug at my clothing nervously. I miss the way he smelled, the flour and cinnamon fragrance that followed him everywhere. Right now, hearing the news of my mother, I want him here beside me holding me together because I'm about to fall apart.

Still in a daze I reach up and put the phone back on its cradle. I still sit in the huddled position I was in mere hours ago. I cover my face with my hands and let the tears flow for the lost boy and the broken, dying mother, and also for the dead rotting corpse that is my sister. Everything aches, the bite marks on my leg and arm, my head from all the crying, my shoulder from that horrible night and my heart for the emptiness it feels.

Then I hear my front door swing open and from my little hallway I can see it's Haymitch and he's frantic as well as sopping wet.

"Katniss! Katniss!" He's calling to me, racing through my house because he can't see me. I make out a squeak noise and he finds me. I think he assumes I'm crying for Peeta because he scoops me up swiftly. "Katniss, it will be all right we just need to get him some help. I brought him back to my house, but he's hurt. I don't know what happened, but Gale is with him now, he helped me carry him back."

Knowing Gale is alone with a hurt Peeta brings me to my senses immediately. All thoughts of my mother are gone and now only Peeta is on my mind. I'm out the door in a flash heading towards Haymitch's house. I fly through the rain and mud and somehow I have managed to be graceful enough not to fall. I reach his house at a breathtaking speed and I'm flinging the door open.

I see Gale standing at the window in the living room, arms crossed, watching the storm. I don't trust me after this morning and I surely don't want to be in the same house as him.

I rush over to where Peeta is lying on the table and I don't know what to do. I see blood, but I don't know where it is coming from exactly. I see a lot of bite marks and torn flesh and decide to tackle those first and hope they are the only source of the blood.

I turn to Gale, "Thank you for helping bring him here. Now go back to where you came from, we don't want you here." It takes all I can to focus on applying pressure and not lunge for him.

He just turns to me and very plainly states, "You think I don't know." I'm utterly confused at what he's getting at. I don't have time for his games. He leaves his spot by the window and comes over to me. He put his arm reassuringly on my forearm. I flinch away because I don't want him to touch me. "Relax," he says. "I've lost and I'll be only friendly." With that he kissed my temple and the act seems foreign to me coming from him. Peeta was the last person to grace my head with his lips and I don't want anyone tampering with that. He gets to the door and he says again, "You love him." He looks down at his feet and says, "Bye, Katniss."

I'm frozen because Gale has spoken aloud the thoughts I have tried to avoid. If I come to terms with my feelings for Peeta I will have to be vulnerable. Do I love Peeta?

I don't have time to think this through because Peeta's eyes have flown open and he's screaming.

xxxxx

I just want to thank everyone for the beautifully kind reviews. I loved them so much, seriously thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Well now that I've said that, review and tell me what you think! Katniss' mother? Whhaaatt? I don't think that may be the end of Gale.. We shall see ;) and poor Peeta.. He's so heartbroken. Tell me what you think!


	15. Peeta's Heart

Everyone is so sweet, the reviews were wonderful :) so thanks everyone for sticking with me. This is in Peeta's POV (which I am growing to love doing more and more) I hope you enjoy!

Suzanne Collins owns The Hunger Games

xxxxx

When you find that special someone in life that you realize you can't live without, you do anything you can to protect them. You keep them safe for as long as you can because without them your life would mean nothing. They bring you to each day with a sense of brightness and hope and there is nothing you wouldn't do for them.

It has been less than a week and during that time I've changed and it is all due to Katniss. When I'm with her, my mind doesn't have double vision in memories. She brings out the best my mind has to offer and I remember the goodness in life again. When she felt bad about me hearing her screams after the nasty nightmares, it took some restraint to only just hug her. I wrapped my arms around her back after she had already done so to me. This embrace is comfortable and so warm. I will hold her. Always.

I kiss the top of her head and reluctantly pull away. I need to clean up before I do something stupid that I know we both aren't ready for. I pick up my plate and napkin and walk to the trash. I look down before I toss anything and I see the neatly folded paper. I throw my stuff away careful not to get any remaining food on it. It takes me a fraction of a second to decide to pick it up. I know what it is, but I don't know what lies inside.

I'm reminded of yesterday and Gale's rude arrival. Why would she hide this from me? I would think because of our closeness lately, this would be something she would share with me. Do I not deserve to know that the boy who wants to steal Katniss' heart is coming? Maybe I've been reading these signals wrong the whole time and maybe she only pities the boy who the Capitol destroyed. No, if that were true she wouldn't act like she cared. But she's done that before hasn't she? She lied about her feelings for me in the first games.

I feel Katniss touch my back and then back away. We both know what's coming and we both know I can't control it. I tightly shut my eyes so I can concentrate on swaying my mind and keeping the darkness inside for a little while longer. I ball my fists in an attempt to hold onto the remaining sanity. I feel her come back to my side and grab my left hand. She's trying to unclench my fists, but I need to keep a hold of something to remain in control. Katniss starts to rub my back and it does calm me some, but not enough to keep this terror at bay.

I have to tell myself she only faked caring about me to keep us alive. Someone that keeps another person alive when all hope is gone has to have some sort of love in their heart. This is what I hold onto for a moment.

"Katniss," I manage. "I don't know if I can control it." At this she tries to quiet me and tell me she's never letting go. This is the only thing I hear until she lays her head down on my shoulder. Then I'm hearing Gale's voice in my mind and I feel betrayed all over again. She lied to me and I told her how much I need to hear the truth. With Gale coming here I feel abandoned because why wouldn't she pick him? He has all his body parts and doesn't even have to try.

"I need to go for a walk." I say and try to hide the hurt in my voice. I shrug off Katniss and feel horrible as soon as I did it. Here she is trying to comfort me, shouldn't that count for something?

I crumple the letter angrily in my hands and I throw it back where I found it. I walk past Katniss who looks so torn. I know I just hurt her in so many ways, didn't I vow to protect her, and here I am crushing her.

I'm not sure what it is that keeps me walking in the direction of the door; it could be the hallucination or anger at the situation. I walk to the door and turn the handle, opening it so I can leave. Before I close the door completely I think I hear her cry for me to stop. The sadness in her voice is overwhelming, but I need to keep moving. I need to think this through, alone.

I walk around Victors Village, careful to maneuver around bushes and trees. I avoid the house behind Katniss' for fear of running into Gale. I'm not sure what I'd do, probably nothing. I would take whatever he had to throw at me and Katniss would probably just stand there and watch. She thinks that little of me anyways.

I've been walking for a while and I realize just how cold it is. I left my jacket at Katniss' house, but I'm not ready to return quite yet. She didn't tell me something that I would have told her and I don't know what to do with that. I know I'm being ridiculous and incredibly selfish but I just want a simple life where I don't have to think I'm going to be replaced. I want to feel whole and I just want to feel wanted.

It was then I realize I never even gave her a chance to explain or give her the chance to tell me about Gale. With that thought I'm racing back to her house. I'm still angry, and I will probably be angry for a while because the girl I care about most lied to me again, but I go to give her the chance.

I reach her stairs and I climb them very carefully. I walk through the door and find her immediately, she hasn't moved much since I left. She is sitting on the floor with her knees to her chin. If I were to look into her eyes I know I would melt and try to comfort her as best as I can. So I avoid her gaze and I sit across from her on the floor. I waited a while before I said anything because I needed to get my thoughts straight first. I needed to understand why she lied.

"You lied to me," I wait. "Again."

It takes her a moment to compose an answer, "I didn't lie to you Peeta, I just didn't tell you." Her answer to me is the same as lying. Omission is lying and this is exactly what I tell her, "If you had to omit it, it was a lie." I feel as though this conversation is not going as planned and I feel myself getting angrier.

"It isn't that I omitted it," she says. "It just never came up in conversation and quite frankly I had forgotten it myself." I know this is truth and maybe she would have told me had she remembered.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" I tried to hide the hope that I felt building inside me. If she was going to tell me at some point then I would feel better about him being here.

My hopes were soon crushed. "I'm not sure; I never wanted him to come. I would have just told him to stay where he was and then forget the whole thing." I sigh. By not telling me, she's saying she doesn't trust me. Maybe I was just seeing things and misinterpreting the signals.

I get up because I don't want to be here anymore, I'm surely going to break down soon. This girl I have loved since I was five years old is still playing like we're in the game. Like when Haymitch and her would keep secrets from me. I look over my shoulder, but not at her for fear of what I would see there, "I'm going to sleep at my house." I walk through the door and back to my house. As soon as I walk in and close the door I'm crumpling to the floor. I lean my back against the door and let the cries escape my lips. I'm broken and pathetic and she saw that. She saw that I was nothing and no good for anyone. I hold no value and am worthless. I am everything my mother said I would be.

I sit there for a few more hours in self pity before I climb the stairs to maybe get some rest and rid myself of this day. I reach my bedroom and my windows are already open from the last time I slept here. I lay on my bed and I hear, faintly at first but then it grows louder, a startling sound.

Katniss is screaming. They aren't her normal nightmare cries; they are full of anguish and regret. Looks like I am the coward I claimed to be for not going to her. I need to get away, and I need to get far from her cries. I go back downstairs and I listen, I can't hear her from here. I can't hear her heartbreaking just like mine. She shouldn't be this hurt. It isn't as if she loves me.

I collapse on the couch that is far less comfortable compared to Katniss'. I'll never shake her from my thoughts. The events of the day weigh me down and I quickly fall asleep.

I'm confronted by many nightmares tonight.

At first I'm running and I have my leg back. It feels foreign because it has been gone for so long. When I'm looking down to inspect my newly acquired leg, I see what I'm running on. All along the ground are tightly packed skulls and some still have flesh on them. With every footfall I hear a sickening crunch but I can't stop. The sky around me is an odd crimson color, much like the sky when dawn breaks, only much bloodier. I look ahead of me and see what I'm running to: Katniss. She's crumpled on a heap of skulls and her tears are black as night. She's stuck on the mound of skulls by a skeleton hand. It has clamped onto her leg and won't let go. I'm running to reach her and save her from the grasp of the dead when the scene changes.

I'm still running, notably not out of breath, but this time I'm on sand with water surrounding both of my sides. It is a long sand bar that goes on for miles in each direction. The sun is out and shining too brightly and everything looks like it's been put on high contrast like in a picture. The only clear, dark thing I see is Katniss. She is now standing, far away, but close enough for me to make out the details in her stature. She is just standing there looking, waiting for me. I finally reach her and I've stopped running. Before I can get out any words she's attached herself to me by wrapping her arms around my torso. We fall into that familiar embrace and it feels like home to me. It feels like I'm finally not alone in this world. I look down and realize Katniss has been trying to talk to me, but whenever she tries to speak all I hear are ocean waves crashing. I ask her repeatedly to speak again, but she dejectedly turns her face away from mine. We stay in this embrace and I quickly forget her trying to speak to me. Finally, she tries one more time to talk and this time I understand her fully. She says, "You don't love me anymore." And with that she's shattering into a million tiny bloody pieces on the sandy floor.

I awake with a start, I don't scream but I am confused by my surroundings. I don't remember where I am until it dawns on me I am not at Katniss' house, I am at my own home, and I'm on my living room couch. I get up, having to use my fake leg again is harder than imaginable, to get a glass of water because the last two nightmares have shaken me with fear. I begin to have an internal debate about going to see Katniss and make sure she's safe and okay. I settle for going to see her in the morning and maybe work things out. I know I'm being ridiculous with my anger towards her and the situation, but I never know what to trust anymore. Especially myself.

After a long drink of water over my kitchen sink I head back to the couch. I'm so afraid of hearing Katniss screaming that I stay away from my room. I lay down, not even intending on falling asleep once more, but it happens anyways.

This is the worst nightmare by far.

I'm back in the capitol holding cell; it's dark, cold and dreary here. Immediately fear consumes me and I'm even afraid to breathe. I'm in the chair they kept me in with my wrists and feet tied up like always. The places where the rope touches are raw and are starting to bleed. I'm sweating from the last round of trackerjacker venom and the thoughts those people tried to put there. My arm is sore from the huge needle they kept poking me with. My shirt is bloody from the many times they hit me when I gave them what they counted as a wrong answer-every time I gave them an answer of my undying loyalty to the girl I've loved since I was five. Every mark on my body holds its own amount of pain.

I blink and the scene shifts almost in slow motion. In one moment I'm in that dreaded cell and in the next I'm alone in an open room, but still bound to the chair. I hear faint cries and it is then that light slowly begins to enter the room. My eyes have to adjust to the new lighting, but they do so quickly. At first I don't understand, but then I get it. Gale is standing at the very most twenty feet away and his back is to me. I see his hand swing back, then forward and then a quick, "smack!" as it makes contact with the intended target. It takes me a while to see what he's hitting repeatedly. Then I see. I hear what it is also- or should I say I hear what she is. He's whacking Katniss with all the force he can muster. She's crying out for help and I'm stuck in the chair. I'm trying so hard to break free of the ropes, but I can't make them budge. He strikes her again and I hear the painful shrieks. I want to cry out as well, but unknown to me until now, my mouth is sealed shut by some square, silver covering. I can't save her and it kills me. Then the worst of my nightmare happens. Her screams stop and her body falls limp to the ground. Between Gale's feet I see her cold, lifeless eyes. Gale's hand falls to his side and it's dripping in what can only be Katniss' blood. He turns to me ready to do the same.

I awaken with such a start I almost scream out. I see that the sun has risen and is now coming through my curtains. It is then I run upstairs and change into new clothing. I race back downstairs with new determination in my heart. I need to keep Katniss safe and I have always vowed to do so. I leave in such a rush I nearly forget to shut the door. I need to calm myself down so I painfully go at a fast walking pace and hope she's awake for me to embrace. That's really all I want to do, that and tell her to forget about Gale.

I walk between house and come up behind Katniss' house. I see the primroses in back need some serious attention because they have begun to wilt. When I bring my attention back to in front of me, life turns into slow motion. Even my breathing slows. What I see is Katniss in a lip lock with another man. Not even some random guy, but Gale. It is then I feel my own heart break and my stomach lurch. The sight is too much for me and I let a few stray tears fall down my face. I was horribly wrong; in front of me is the exact opposite of my nightmare.

I turn on my heel and run. I don't even care where I'm running to I just need to be anywhere but here right now. Just when I think I am far enough away and no one saw me, I'm wrong and I still hear, "Don't worry, Peeta, that wasn't the first time I've gotten to kiss her!" What? How much have I been lied to about? How much does Katniss really keep from me? I have slowed myself down because I'm sure Katniss isn't looking for me anyways.

I'm really just going in circles and have no idea where I'm going. Somehow I wind up at what I assume to be my family bakery in town. I haven't been here at all since returning because I didn't want to feel sad anymore, turns out it feels more like home. I sit on the concrete steps that have somehow survived the bombs and I think briefly that I can smell fresh bread. The moment is gone too soon and I'm left empty once more. It's too late, but I'm ready to mourn the family I've lost. I go to the only place I can think of good enough for mourning. I go to the woods.

I carefully get under the weak part of the fence, waiting to hear for the live buzz, despite knowing it is powerless. I go to that part in the woods I always imagined following Katniss to. Here she mourned for things lost and so shall I do the same. I mourn for the family that couldn't get away while bombs were destroying everything. I cry for my family who had no way out and were probably trapped while the district became ablaze. I cry for my father and my brothers, and even for a moment I mourn for my mother. When I think of each person individually my heart grows lonelier.

When I finish my goodbyes that will never reach their ears, I move onto the girl that was on fire. By the time she reaches my thoughts my heart is already empty enough that nothing is left to take. I know she will be happy and Gale was right. She will choose whoever she thinks she can't survive without. It is then my tears are washed away by a few raindrops and soon the few turn into many which multiply into thousands of drops. It turns into quite a vicious storm, but I don't care. The thunder and lightning is relentless and I find it fascinating. I keep an eye on the sky, the flashing light keeps my attention.

For a while this keeps me entertained for reasons unknown to me. Then out of the corner of my eye I spot it-the last dog that ran away while trying to save Katniss. It looks hungry and ready to seek its revenge for its fallen friends. I welcome this because maybe with this death, all my conflicting feelings and rage will be gone. I sit on the stone and stare intensely at the dog willing it to do its worst.

Faintly I hear a deep voice calling my name, along with some loud cursing at the storm. While my head is turned in the direction of the voice the dog lunges at me and I welcome the darkness. It's peaceful there.

If this is heaven, I want a refund. Its pitch black and I hurt everywhere. Maybe this is hell and maybe I'm being punished. Then it appears to me that I'm not dead, no, I'm lying on a very hard surface and someone is applying pressure to my arms. My eyes fling open and out of my mouth flies all the feelings of pain and hurt I've managed to keep inside.

I look and see it is none other than Katniss holding my arms so I begin thrashing around. She lets go of me, but only for a brief second. Not long enough for me to gain any thoughts of escape and then she's back trying to hold me done.

"Peeta, please stop! I can't hold the blood in if you keep moving!" she says. I finally meet her eyes which I have been avoiding up until now. Tears are forming and she looks so sad. I listen to her and keep still, but wince from the pain in my arms. I can't seem to find my voice to say anything to her. I want her to let me go because I don't want her to think she owes me anything, she owes me nothing.

I seek air into my lungs and I manage to speak, "Let me go." I breathe in almost a whisper because my voice has gone hoarse.

"What?" She asks confused. I know she heard me, but I try again.

"Let me go," my voice becomes stronger. "You don't owe me anything, let me go!"

"I can't." Is all she says. This moment is all too familiar, only this time I'm begging for her to let my life end.

She climbs up on the table with me while still holding my arms. She looks at me straight in the face and tells me, "I can't." I see the tears falling down her face and she carefully lays her head on my chest. She begins to cry and repeat she can't over and over. I'm confused; if she has Gale then letting me die shouldn't be a problem. But I let her lay here, crying it out until Haymitch shows up.

"Mockingjay," he says sadly. "You need to help him, not drown your sorrows on his shirt like he's a pillow." He helps her up, she nods and wipes her face on her sleeve. "There are only bite marks on his arms, that I can see anyways." Katniss tells Haymitch while sniffing. "Well," Haymitch says while checking the bite marks. "What can we do?"

Katniss keeps her hands on my arms and nods in a far direction. "Over there," she says. "In that cabinet lays a sewing kit. Grab it. We need to sew him up to stop the bleeding because these marks are brutal. I can't get the bleeding to stop. After I put the stitches in we need to wrap it in bandages. The ones you gave to him for my own marks will do just fine." Haymitch nods and hands her the sewing kit. He tells her he's going to go get the bandages from her house.

I've remained quiet for the whole ordeal, just simply watching them. I have closed my eyes again and a few moments later the pressure is gone from my arms. I reluctantly open my eyes and see Katniss is already walking back with a rag in her hands.

"I'm so sorry, Peeta.." she says as she tells me to open up and bite down on the rag. She gets the needle and thread ready and suddenly I feel the stinging in my left arm. I scream, but it is muffled by the rag and now I understand. In and out the needle goes and with each puncture brings a new sensation of pain. I try to keep as still as possible but it hurts too much and it makes the process even longer.

Finally after what seemed like ages Katniss is done. "Okay one more bite to sew up," she sniffs. "I'm sorry.. Just a little longer. Please, I'm sorry Peeta…" She keeps apologizing and I can't say anything due to the rag in my mouth. I would spit it out was it not great for biting down on when she stuck me yet again with the needle. I scream again, but just as before it is muffled. The pain is excruciating and I just want it to be over.

"Finished!" she yells, but I'm too tired and injured to really be happy. Haymitch walks through the door and sees that Katniss is all done with the sewing. "I purposefully waited outside until you were done. That is the nastiest thing, anyone will ever do." Haymitch says. I think I hear Katniss mutter something about being a coward in his general direction, but I can't be sure. I can't really focus on much except the pain in both arms.

Katniss is talking again, "Can you look in his cupboards for anything for pain?" Haymitch leaves and does as she asks. He must have found one of my pill bottles because Katniss is lifting my head and pushing two small rectangles in my mouth and lifting water to my lips. I drink quietly wanting all pain to disappear. "Haymitch, we need to move him, can your stomach handle that?" I hear Haymitch grumble and both arms are being lifted. I feel my body being picked up off of the table and I'm being moved to the couch. They set me down gently, but still my body is in pain. I let another cry squeak out and Katniss is by my side in an instant. I hear her mutter something about Haymitch being a coward once more because I think he just slipped out of the front door.

I take the opportunity of him being gone to speak some words before I'm taken off to sleep by the pain medication. "Why," I clear my throat to let a better sound come out. "Why didn't you just let me die? You have Gale. There is no reason for me to be kept around. Do you want to torture me?" I hear a small cry come from her lips and I know she's struggling to annunciate words.

"No, Peeta I don't have Gale. What you saw today.. That was him trying to hurt both of us. I never wanted him to kiss me, and still don't want that," she sniffs. "Do you hear me? I need you." She has laid her head on my chest again letting the tears fall. She didn't want him to kiss her? She needs me?

My head is spinning and the pain killers are slowly claiming my consciousness. "I love you.." I slur as I drift off into the darkness.

When you find that special someone in life that you realize you can't live without, you do anything you can to protect them. You keep them safe for as long as you can because without them your life would mean nothing. They bring you to each day with a sense of brightness and hope and there is nothing you wouldn't do for them.

xxxxx

Holy angst, Batman! This chapter was really great to write and I hope you enjoyed it. Review and tell me what you think about Katniss and her mom? Also what now that Peeta has said he loves Katniss? What is Katniss going to do when her ride arrives to bring her to see her mother? What will happen..? Hmmmmm ;)


	16. Savior For A Savior

I hope I still have people reading this story, and if you've been with me since chapter one.. You deserve a gold star. Thank you all so much and I hope you enjoy this next chapter…

Suzanne Collins wrote The Hunger Games

xxxxx

He said he loved me. He's passed out now from the pain killers, but he said it. Right from his very own lips he uttered the three word sentence I've been craving to hear since our return. I thought this Peeta was gone from me forever and when he said he loved me, the smile has never left my lips. It's a kind of tingling feeling spreading from my heart to every limb of my body. I had also told him I needed him. It's true, I do. I need him to keep me safe and warm and together. I need him to hold me when I wake up and be there when I fall asleep. I need him to know what to say when I am filled with sadness and I need him to love me. Some could say I ask for so much when I give so little in return, and I know they are right. I will never deserve him.

For a moment, watching the boy with the bread sleep with the most peaceful look on his face, I've forgotten the sorrowful feeling in my gut concerning my mother. The moment is soon over and the feeling returns.

I lay close to Peeta on the couch careful not to disturb his arms. My head falls naturally onto his chest and it rises with his even breathing. There is still a small wet spot from my previous show of emotion. For once, my tears are restrained and it seems like they want to stay where they are. I'm not complaining. By this time the sun is beginning to set, but I refuse to sleep. I refuse to suffer through the anxiety of losing Peeta when my eyes are closed. If I were to sleep, my dreams would surely be filled with all kinds of ways he could die.

It is probably close to two in the morning when Peeta stirs beside me. I have moved very little since I fell into this comfortable embrace. A little more than an hour has passed since he covered me with his arms in his sleep. I welcomed this position because it is warm and I've come to call it home. Somehow I have managed to stay awake, my mind won't settle and it jumps from thoughts of my dying mother and Peeta. It keeps me awake so I don't question it.

"Katniss..?" I hear Peeta croak.

"Shh.. Peeta it'll be okay." I try to comfort him because I know his pain medication will only leave him a little confused. He figures out where his arms lay and he willingly keeps them there.

"Katniss," He says. "You're freezing." For the first time I realize I am, in fact, shivering.

I reply, "I guess it is a little cold, I never noticed."

I know my Peeta has returned because of his everyday, sweet gestures. He starts to sit up and says, "I'll get you a blanket." And he winces. "No, Peeta," I chuckle. "I can get one, you're hurt. It's my turn to take care of you." I push him to lay back down. "Are you cold?" I ask while getting up and make my way to the spare closet where I know I keep my extra blankets at my house. I hope Haymitch keeps them in the same place. Then I hear Peeta reply, "Well, I'm kind of a little colder now that you aren't beside me.." He trailed off at the end and I can't help the smile on my face. I'm happy because this is one thing Gale can't take from me.

I'm suddenly very pleased with Haymitch because I see a closet full of blankets. I grab a large white and blue comforter from the top shelf and shake it out unsure of the last time it was used. I carry it back out with me and lay it over the both of us. I get back to my original position, head on his chest with his arms around me. I bring the covers up to my chin and it just feel so… _right._

"It's not hurting your arms to sit like this is it?" I ask suddenly aware of the fact I stitched up his arms only hours ago.

"No, not at all. Your cold skin was kind of nice actually." He says. And it dawns on me: maybe some ice would do some good.

I sit up and reluctantly leave my warm cocoon to search for ice to ease his pain. He grabs me by the wrist and says, "Where are you going?" For a moment he looks sad. Then his features toughen and it occurs to me that he expects me to leave him. He expects me to never come back. This breaks my heart because I've broken the person I swore I'd keep together at all costs.

"Well," I clear my throat to keep my emotions in check. "I was just going to go get you some ice, I figured it would help." His face softens and he pulls me back to the couch. I don't resist and once again we are in our natural embrace.

It was silent a long time, so long I thought Peeta had fallen back asleep. Then I feel him stroke my hair and I know he has something on his mind, and I know we need to talk. "What happened with Gale?" He cut straight to the point after a few minutes. He sounded like he has been struggling with this question for a while. I put all my weight on my left elbow so I can look at him in the face and have this conversation. "Well, I punched him and I'm pretty sure it made a pretty good impact." I say trying to lighten the mood of this heavy situation. The corners of his mouth twitch up and I know he's enjoying the sight in his mind.

"But he kissed you." He said with strain in his voice. I try to search his eyes so I know what he's thinking, but he's avoiding my gaze. "Yes he did, but like I said I punched him and," with some nerve I follow up this sentence. "He isn't the one I wanted to be kissing at that moment." I look away, blushing. Now it's my turn to avoid his eyes and keep mine away from his face. I put my head back on his chest hoping to hide the embarrassment on my cheeks from that large hint I gave him. I feel him laugh a hardy laugh and now I'm even more embarrassed.

"I always knew you and Haymitch were close, but.." He's still laughing and I'm mortified. I think he realizes this and his laughing dies down while he apologizes. I bury my face even further into his shirt and the comforter. "Katniss," he says. "Please come out, it's lonely out here." "Not happening." I say. He resorts to begging and I reluctantly face him.

"I hope whoever you intended on kissing, kisses you soon." He says. His head falls back and he closes his eyes. His breathing becomes even and I know he's sleeping. I take the covers off myself while he's asleep so that I can be his human ice pack. Those pills take effect without warning and I'm slightly pleased that he is actually sleeping. He doesn't do that often, probably for the same reasons as me. I silently hope I can keep his nightmares at bay, like he could always do when he was at my side.

I think through our last conversation and it weighs on me the secret I've kept hidden, even from myself. I did want to find him that day and I did want to kiss him again to be like we used to be. I wanted to stop holding back and dive in. I shake off the thought because I know then, just like now, it wouldn't have been a good plan.

I let the next couple hours go by without much thought. I get up every now and then to check Peeta's bandages. This is what I'm doing now. I decide that it is time to change them and I go to the kitchen table where Haymitch left a large quantity. I bring them back and I undo the soiled ones from Peeta's arms. He winces in his sleep and I hold some ice to the swelled area for a couple moments. I put the new bandages on and hold the ice to his arms for a while longer. It is probably around six in the morning and Peeta stirs. He opens his eyes and looks up at me. All I see is confustion.

"Wow.. What happened..?" He says. Does he not remember? Was it all the pain pills talking?

"You don't remember?" I ask and then he nods a firm no. "What's the last thing you remember happening?" I ask afraid of the answer. He looks like he's really concentrating. "I remember..," he paused and he's tries very hard to summon his last memory. "I remember you feeding me my pain medication, but after that I don't remember anything." If that's true then he probably doesn't remember saying he loves me and I'm filled with sorrow, but that also means he doesn't remember what I said and I'm flooded with relief.

"Nothing happened don't worry. You slept this whole time, actually I almost was about to wake you because I was getting concerned." I lie and hope my face doesn't betray me. He goes to move and does a whimper mixed with a cry. I know he's in pain and I walk into the kitchen. I grab a glass and fill it with water as well as reach for the pill bottle. I get two pills out of the container, grab the glass of water and walk back to the couch.

"I don't want them." He says adamantly.

"Peeta, you need them because you're in pain." I try to reason with him. I crouch down next to him so we're on the same level. I look him in the eyes and I see that hatred for the confusing feeling after he takes them lies there. I feel bad, but I can't stand him in pain. It breaks my own heart when he's hurt especially when I know there is nothing I can do about it.

"Please.." I beg again. He finally gives in and lets me help him take them. They hit him fast and soon he's lightly snoring. After a while of picking up and cleaning the table after the bloody mess last night I look at the clock and it is already ten o'clock. The hovercraft will be here in an hour and they don't normally enjoy waiting.

I realize I will be leaving Peeta, his worst fear. Even though it will only be for a night he deserves an explanation. I sit down at the table with a piece of paper and a pen. I stare at it momentarily and decide on a simple message. I scribble it across the page quickly and fold it neatly and stick it in my back pocket. I check Peeta one last time, his bandages most importantly. He seems okay and I sneak out the front door hoping he doesn't wake up for a long while.

I carefully walk down the steps and think for a moment where Haymitch has gone for the night. I need to tell him about my mother and I need him to know how to keep Peeta's bandages clean and how to change them. It took me a few steps before I found him. I heard a loud snort come from the porch. He managed to get out the door and walk a few feet to the left and sink down into the swing there. I turn right around and climb the simple stairs. I shake him awake quickly. He awakes with a start and falls out of the swing. I laugh a little at the noise me makes when he falls.

"What the hell, Mockingjay?" he practically screams while on the floor. I fear for a moment his loud voice will awaken the sleeping boy inside the house.

"Shut it!" I whisper yell at him. "Peeta is sleeping and if you wake him up, I swear, I'm not afraid to pull an arrow at your pretty little head." I try to muster as much venom into this threat as possible.

"Didn't _you_ knock _me_ out of the swing?" he sneered. He gets up slowly and sits back on the swing with all the grace that surely is Haymitch Abernathy.

I sighed, "I need your help-" he interrupts me. "When don't you, sweetheart." He rubs his eyes and tries to keep them open by blinking a few times. I roll my eyes and get right to it. I tell him about the conversation I had with the unknown woman and how I am going to be picked up soon to go to my mother.

"Well, hell, Katniss," he says. "Why didn't you say anything before now?"

"Peeta was my main concern; I needed him to be safe first." I say. Then I'm reminded of the note in my back pocket. I hand it to Haymitch. He takes it from me before I lose my nerve with what is on that paper. "Can you give this to him when he wakes up?" He nods and puts it away and I hope he does remember. Although maybe secretly, I hope he forgets. I put it out of my thoughts and let fate work its way into my life. I nod back and walk away, down the stairs and towards my house.

"Good luck, Mockingjay." He says in the most supportive voice he can muster. I look back at him and mutter my thanks.

I have just enough time to get home and shower and pack a few articles of clothing for the night, although I'm sure I won't change at all. I don't let myself think of my mother and what is bounc to happen because I will break down and I refuse to let strangers see me like that. I run up my porch steps and see a note taped to my door. I groan because I don't have time for this. I unfold the note while walking into my house and up the stairs. The heading is recognizable.

"Dear Catnip," It read. "I'm sorry for the pain I've caused. I didn't see how much he meant to you and how much you both love each other. He better be good to you and you better tell me if he's not. I will come back and kick his ass if he isn't. I'm going home and I'm leaving as soon as I tape this note to your door. I'm still always here for you, Katniss.

Gale."

I crumple the letter because my patients for anything to do with Gale have dwindled to well below zero. I peel off my gross clothes and I quickly shower. I take off my bandages and let the water clean them. They are still sore, but they aren't nearly as bad as Peeta's. I find a couple stray bandages in my room and I redress my own dog bites. I get dressed pretty quickly and I brush my hair too fast, pulling out too much hair. I braid it off to the side and forget all about it. I go to my dresser and grab a new shirt and pants to change into if need be. I stuff it all into a small bag and swing it over my shoulder. When I get out my front door it's 10:55 so I sit and wait on my front steps.

My mind wanders to Peeta and I hope he doesn't think I've abandoned him when he wakes up. I don't want him to worry about me so it's better this way. I don't want to imagine the look of betrayal that will be on his face when he wakes up and I'm gone. I desperately hope Haymitch can squash his fears because I won't be there to do so. Peeta will be just fine with him, at least I tell myself this to feel better.

Just then a hovercraft appears in front of me. It makes me jump a little because it gave no warning and came out of nowhere. It was fairly large, but nothing compared to the ones I used to ride on. This one is much smaller than those, but still has enough room for about ten people.

I get up from my spot on the steps and walk towards it. The last person I ever expected to get out of the air vehicle does so. I stop mid stride and my mouth is hanging open. I never thought they would ever step foot back in District 12. I guess I was wrong.

xxxxx

Ahhhhh! Who's there to get Katniss? Review and tell me what you think! I imagine this story is soon coming to an end. That thought makes me kinda sad! Haha I hope you're enjoying the story so far.. Don't forget to review! Suggestions are always welcome :)


	17. Dying, With Love

Oh my gosh, everyone, the last few reviews I've gotten.. They were so great. Seriously. I have a couple thank yous and such at the bottom.. Won't waste any precious reading time up here! Haha enjoy this next chapter and I hope you're surprised by who got out to greet Katniss…

Suzanne Collins is who I owe so much to for writing The Hunger Games

xxxxx

"Well, well, well!" shrieks the voice of none other than Effie Trinket.

Her voice sends ripples of resentment through me. I'm sure I look like a blundering idiot because I don't move or speak, I just stand there astonished. "Katniss Everdeen," she says in her stuffy Capitol accent that has yet to give way. "I would think a proper hello is in order, would you also?" I sputter in my response still not believing my eyes, "Uh yes, he-hi, Effie." She rolls her eyes, "We might as well go. Are you all ready?" I nod and grab my little bag. She lets me enter the craft first.

We sit a little uncomfortably for the first half hour or so. I look at Effie for the first time. She has traded her all pink attire for an all red one. Her hair isn't short, but longer, past her shoulders and it is pin straight. It is a raging red color that matches her lip stick. Her jacket and skirt are both a bright blood color with her shirt being a slightly lighter color. Her skin is extremely white, whiter than I would think natural. Knowing Effie, it probably is anything but natural.

I think she notices my stare because she straightens out her skirt. She looks right back at me and speaks quite stiffly, "My sincerest apologies on your mother. It is quite sad."

"Thank you. Uhm, Effie, why are you here?" I didn't mean for it to sound so cold, but it comes out that way.

She's taken aback slightly but rebounds quickly, "You need an escort, do you not? This was the condition made for you to visit your mother while still under District Restriction. Believe me," she scrunches her nose. "This is not the ideal situation."

Effie seems less energetic. She isn't bouncing off the walls or in her seat, she's calm and collected and if she hadn't spoken I would never have known this was the same person. We fall into an interesting silence-it isn't uncomfortable, but it isn't welcome either. We stay this way until we reach my mother's new home district. I see the water and am immediately reminded of Finnick and Annie. My heart skips a beat and I feel like I can't breathe anymore so I grip my chest and close my eyes willing myself to forget the friend lost and the woman who will never be whole again. I feel responsible but I can't let myself think that way. I can't beat myself up knowing there will be a small boy in the world fatherless at my own doing.

A stray tear falls down my cheek anyways and I quickly wipe it away.

Effie seems to know where we are better than I and she tells me of our plans, "We are near landing. When we get to the hospital we will quietly and quickly walk in. You will not wander and you will stay with me for the duration of your visit. We will stay in the area your mother is in and then tomorrow morning at dawn we depart. Is that understood?" I shake my head so she knows I don't plan on breaking any of her rules.

There is a brief sense of free falling and I think I'm going to wind up on the ceiling of the hovercraft. Before I can actually lift fully off the seat gravity takes over and I'm slamming back down. Then I feel the vehicle come to a halt and at that I'm filled with dread. I can't keep putting off my dying mother in my mind. Now I have to see her and now I have to see her dying. I have to watch the woman that gave me life, lost her own life after her husband's death, and cared for me in District 13, die. I don't think I can.

I remain seated fearful of meeting a dead corpse for a mother. It isn't like I haven't known her to be as if she were dead-because she was like that after my father died, but I knew she still had air running through her lungs and a beating heart. Now I don't even know if she's still among the living. No matter how I feel about my mother, especially when she mentally abandoned us, I still love her. I would never accept her help, nor would I ever accept her pity, but she still is my mom.

"I would think you would be a little bit faster at getting up when it comes to seeing your mother at this time." Effie says, interrupting my thoughts. I nod and know she's right. I need to face whatever it is that waits for me in this building. We get out of the hovercraft and walk towards the doors. Not only is Effie by my side, but there are also four other big statured men, I assume them to be body guards. I don't think they're guarding me so much as guarding everyone else from my rash decisions. They are all around me and I'm starting to feel closed in and I try to shake the feeling.

We have to check in with several people before I'm even allowed out of the in between area that no one ever goes to. All I want to do is see my mother and stop putting it off. Not knowing has always struck me and made me beyond anxious. "Just one more person to sign off with and we're free to move onto the next floor." Effie says. The next floor? "Do you mean we have to do this at every floor?" I say enraged. "I just want to see my mother!" I yell. The whole floor hears me I'm sure of it. Some very big man came up to us and looked down at me. My first instinct was to survey the area and find something I could use as a weapon. Turns out, that plan was unnecessary. "Very well," Big Man says. "You will be taken there, no detours, no nothing." He had a very authoritative voice, even the sound of it made Effie shrink back.

Four more big bodied men tell us to follow them to my mother's room. Eight men in all are accompanying Effie and I. Just how many men do they think is required to walk me across a hospital? But then again, I did go mad and kill two presidents with one arrow. The memory hardens my stature and I put on a tough face.

My entire party and I have come to a halt four flights of stairs later right outside a room numbered 428 with a card underneath it that said, "EVERDEEN" in big, thick letters. I full out run to the room until I was stopped by a very steady hand. It was one of the body guards with a list of things I wasn't allowed to do. Run was one of them. I gave a frustrated sigh and walked painfully slow into my mother's room.

What I see next is something I think would be only possible in my nightmares.

There she is I finally see her. She looks nothing of the woman I left in District 13. The woman before me has dwindled down to nothing more than skin and bones. She looks like a skeleton with a thin covering passing for skin. The skin that is visible has a green like tint to it and it looks paper thin. Her eyes have sunken into her head and her cheekbones are predominant. Her hair is a salt and pepper kind of mixture between dark and gray strands. They look extremely brittle and like they are about to fall out any moment.

Basically, my mother looks decomposed. Yet, her eyes darted over to us as soon as we walked in. I threw caution to the wind and I ran to her hoping the body guard wouldn't tackle me to the ground first. He didn't. I reached my mother's bedside and I knelt down taking her hand in both of mine. She felt ice cold and the temperature difference between us shocked me into dropping her hand.

"Oh, Mom.." I say and my tears are not restrained anymore. She turns her head to face mine and does what I assume is an attempt at a smile because the corners of her mouth twitch. "Katniss.." Her voice is course and sounds almost demonic. She clears her throat and tries again, "I was never.." There was a pause. "a good mom-to you-I have-so much to say-but I can't-get it out." Her breathing has become too labored and I shush her. "You did the best you could." I reassure her. I do believe this because even thinking Peeta was dead, I was nothing. I can't even imagine losing someone like that and still having to take care of children. I now understand.

"No." She is firm.

"It doesn't matter to me anymore," I say. "I finally understand. I love you, mom." And we both have tears falling from our eyes at this point. We needed to say these things and now there are no regrets, and now ironically that we are on the same page, I'm losing her. She is my only family left and she's dying from an infection that she received trying to save other people.

I sit with her at the end of her bed for a long while. During that time we cried, laughed, talked, and remained silent. I told my mother a lot of things I never thought I would, like taking care of Peeta. I mostly talked and she said a few things when she could. It was nice for us to be like this, I only wish I had more time with her. More time is always needed in situations like this. But of course, time waits for no one, time doesn't wait for me.

Just like that, it's all taken away.

"Peeta and I take care of one another. I think I now understand what you felt like when Dad died.. I have felt like that on so many occasions thinking he is dead," I suppress a cry. "Aside from you, he's the only family I have." My mom looks sad and I know we're thinking of the other person missing from our little family.

"I miss her-too, Katniss." My mother gasped out.

It was the last thing she said before she started coughing uncontrollably. The coughing then turned into spitting blood and I panicked. I went to her side and looked at one of the body guards just standing there unsure of what to do.

"Don't just watch her, go get a nurse!" I scream at him. He ran out of the room and soon the whole space is being occupied by nurses and doctors trying to ease her coughing. Effie is in the room soon too, escorting me out. I refused to leave and I get away from her grasp. Then I feel two strong arms tightly trap my own arms to my sides and lift me. Another body guard that I hadn't seen yet is carrying me out. He brings me all the way to the other end of the hospital floor and Effie is close behind. I'm thrashing around trying to undo his grip, but it's no use. I go limp and give up. I don't want to keep trying anymore. The large man sits me in a chair and I sink right into it. Effie sits a couple seats away in her stiff posture. I'm sure the craziness of the situation has made her slightly unraveled.

My only real family was being kept from me and is probably dead at this very moment. On the inside I'm a mess, but I still hold onto not letting strangers see me weak.

About an hour has gone by and I hear a very familiar voice that I can't really place, "Katniss Everdeen?" I look up and I see a rather plump older lady. "Sweetheart, we need to talk." She says.

My body drains of all color and warmth.

xxxxx

Ahhhh Poor mama Everdeen! Don't forget to review and tell me what you think! Is Katniss' mother dead? Will she get to say her final goodbyes ever? Oh hey, what about Peeta? Hmmm never forget the boy with the bread ;) Review!

The chapter made me sad to write.. I won't even lie. I'm so glad to know, though, that people still love my fic. That turns my mood around, so thank you, all of you, even the ones that don't review.

So here are just a few thank yous and shout outs that no one has to read, but I want to say because some are anons.

Shout out to SharonLoves1D for just being super awesome and sweet.

A huge thank you goes out to all my anon reviewers, but most importantly the one that said they cancelled plans to read my fic.. Oh my gosh.. Just thank you for that. I didn't think my story was THAT good! Haha but it brightened my day, so thank you.

Anyone that has ever reviewed – I love you all for all the kind words and helping me through this story it means so much to me so thank you!


	18. Heart Shattered On The Floor

Hi everyone! So sorry to keep you waiting.. Some last minute plans came up and so I've been away from the internet since Sunday.. Sorry :(

This chapter is rather sad…. You have been warned. Grab a Kleenex or two cuz you may need them haha. Please enjoy this chapter as much as I did while writing it.

Suzanne Collins is my hero. She created my reason for obsession. I regret nothing.

xxxxx

I feel myself go stiff bracing for the impact of finding out my mother is dead.

"Hello, sweetie, I'm Faye, the woman you talked to on the phone yesterday." The plump lady reminded me. I now remember her as the one that had to tell me of the present situation. As it turns out I wasn't far off when I pictured her. She is a heavy set woman with gray hair from the many years life has thrown at her. Her eyes are soft and hold a rare kind of kindness in them, they remind me of a certain baker I used to know.

"Yes, I remember." I say coolly.

She walks over to me and slides the little table across from me closer, "Dear," she says as she sits down. "I'm sorry. Things aren't looking good for your mom. The infection has spread now to her lungs which we figured would happen. It's the last stage before," she pauses to collect her self. "Before the final goodbye." I nod my head in understanding because I'm afraid if I speak I won't be able to stop the screams.

"I'm going to allow you to see her one last time, okay?" Faye says. A couple tears fall down my face, but I am quick to brush them away.

Faye is no longer talking to me when she speaks, "Does she really need you two following her?" If I didn't know any better I would think Faye was angry with the situation. Effie, of course, speaks first. "Of course she does. She makes rash decisions that usually end up with someone dead." Even for Effie that was cold, but I don't let it get to me. Faye stands and in a few quick steps she is right in Effie's face which makes Effie all the more uncomfortable. "You listen," Faye says angrily. "This child saved all of us from the destruction looming over our heads. The least you can do to thank the poor girl is give her space and time to grieve. She doesn't even let herself cry because someone is constantly watching her every move!" Faye is shouting and I'm surprised. I never thought such a kind older lady that seems to bake more cookies than shout commands would stand up for me. Effie is stunned and doesn't say a word. She motions for the body guards to sit down. They do.

Faye comes back to me and offers a hand. I take it swiftly. We're walking as fast as we can to where my mother's room is.

"Thank you, Faye, for sticking up for me like that. You didn't have to."

"Nonsense sweetie. You have done far enough for me and the others and it was the least I could do as my thanks to you." My cheeks go pink because I don't want to be treated differently when I did so little and so many lives were lost. I let the thought go when we reach my mother's room. Faye stops us.

She turns me around to face her. "When you walk in those doors it won't be nice. Her infection has spread through her pores and they had to put her in a kind of quarantine. That means she is in a kind of clear box that is almost the size of the room. There is enough space for you to walk and see her, but I'm sorry, sweetheart, you can't go inside the box. She's too contagious. She also may have wires, I'm not sure. I wish I could tell you more and prepare you better." Faye looks sad, but still has the kindness in her eyes.

"You have done more than enough for me, thank you." I tell her. She gives my shoulders a squeeze and opens the doors. I walk through and the first thing I notice is the large clear box holding my mother inside. There is about five feet from my mother's bed to the box wall. Her left side is facing me and I see her chest going up and down heavily. She has some wires hooked up to her, but no tubes and I'm relieved for a moment. I put my hand to the glass and she looks over, knowing I'm there. I see her chest slow, the movements becoming harder. I begin to cry and press my forehead to the glass. I'm still looking at her and I see a few tears of her own slide down her face. This breaks my heart because she knows the end is coming.

Then my mother does something completely unexpected with the last bit of energy she has. She takes the three fingers of her left hand, brings them to her lips and extends her arm to me. With that her arm falls and I see her chest rise for the final time. She closes her eyes and exhales the last bit of air that will ever grace her lungs. I cry for her and pound on the glass with my fists.

"Mom!" I completely fall apart.

Whatever she was hooked up to is setting off a continual high pitched beep and won't stop. I know this signals her death. My mother, my last remaining family is dead. She now dances with my father and Prim. That thought sends me crumbling to the floor.

My world becomes set in slow motion as doctors blur by to get into the sealed container my mother's lifeless body lies in. Sobs send my body into convulsions and I'm soon going to fall to the floor because my body can't take anymore.

Just then before I fall over to be completely forgotten, a pair of familiar warm arms wrap around my body keeping me together. I can't believe who is here, it can't be possible. I don't want to be wrong so I don't look at anything and I keep my eyes tightly shut. One arm scoops up my shoulders and another is scooping up my legs. I'm in the air in a moment and out of the room. I feel the gentle sway of being carried for a while until I feel the person holding me sit in a chair. I have buried my face in their chest. I want to believe.

But I can't.

xxxxx

So that was super sad.. Her mother's last gift to her-the ultimate sign of love and respect and it was her last action. Review and tell me if your heart just completely broke at that moment.. or not lol it's okay if it didn't. But tell me! I want to hear from you all :) Who is the unidentified stranger? Can Katniss go on seeing this heartbreaking moment? Will there be a happy ending? Tell me what you think!


	19. The Healing In The Baker

I got so many reviews that I decided to go ahead and put this chapter up. To my wonderful anons.. I don't even know what to say other than thank you from the bottom of my heart. I was really very touched, at one extremely saddened, but overall, they mean the world to me.

But alas, here we are nearing an end. Fear not though because this won't be my only one.. I have other ideas in mind :)

Suzanne Collins.. Thanks for writing The Hunger Games and pretty much ripping out my heart and stomping on it, but I thank you for doing so.

xxxxxx

I want so badly to believe who is keeping me together right now, but I know it is a large impossibility. "Katniss," He speaks. "Open your eyes." His voice, it really is his voice. He strokes my face with his thumbs and I open my eyes. The tears that were held back from my tightly closed lids pour down my face. My eyes are met with my favorite color blue ones. Peeta.

"Sh-She's gone." I sob. I feel like I can't breathe and an elephant is sitting on my chest.

"Shh.." Peeta tries to calm me. I let myself cling to him. "It's okay…" He tries. "Let it out, cry." That I do. "I'm sorry.." He says and I know he's crying his own tears. I want to comfort him, but my own pain keeps me from doing so. For once I let him take care of me, I let him hold me together and I let him love me.

All the crying must have tired me out because I drifted off to sleep somehow. It wasn't a deep enough sleep where I could dream and see my mother's lifeless body behind my closed eyes. I'm awoken not even an hour later by Peeta touching my face. He's running his fingers lightly over what I assume are the dark circles under my eyes. They're probably puffy now. I open my eyes to see his loving, sad ones. I have managed to calm myself down long enough to have a real conversation.

"Hi…" I say, my voice giving out at the end.

He sighs with relief, "Hi."

I sit up a little and realize, I'm still in Peeta's arms and he hasn't let me go. "Oh, Peeta, this must have been so uncomfortable for you.." and I try to get up, but I'm held in place by his warm, strong arms. He's shaking his head, "No, stay." I do as he says and lay my head on his shoulders and bring my hands in fists up to my chin.

After a few moments of silence I speak. "Do you know what my mother did before she died?" Peeta looks surprised by this question. "No, what?" he asks. I don't think I can tell him, so instead I just show him.

"It was right before her last dying breathe.."

"She loved you, so much." He tells me and goes on, "This probably isn't a good time, and definitely not the place I wanted to say this, but I got your note. Your mother isn't the only one. I love you too, Katniss." At his words I begin to cry again.

He got my note that simply said, "To the boy with the bread, I love you".

I smile for the first time in what seems like years. My face goes crimson and again he is touching my face only this time he's following the string of redness across my cheeks. "I'm sorry it took me so long to say that to you. When I said I didn't remember anything after you giving me the pain pills, I lied. I know what I said and I meant it. I just didn't want to scare you away again, but I'm glad I said it." Peeta finishes his little speech.

I feel daring and I don't know whether it is because I have nothing left to lose since my mother's death or Peeta's declaration of love, but I take his face between my hands and I bring it down so it is merely centimeters from my own. I close the gap and our lips meet again after a long separation. I've missed this and my heart feels whole again. He puts his hand on my neck and holds my back with his other hand. I feel warmth spreading through me and it heals my broken heart.

I'm the first to pull away because I need air. Tears are still spilling from my eyes, but Peeta willingly wipes them away for me. Now I know my place. My place is in the arms of the boy with the bread, in the arms of Peeta Mellark.

Peeta puts his forehead on mine and is looking into my eyes. "I've missed you." He breathes. I don't think he means it in a sense of seeing me early this morning and the absence since. He's missed this closeness just like I have, probably more. I close my eyes holding onto this moment for as long as I can because when we break apart the world around me will become real and it won't just be me and him anymore, it will be me and him and death and pain and everyone else.

I don't say anything, I just hug him tighter because he's always been the one with the use of words and I've been the one for action. We know this of one another and we fit together, we fill in where the other one lacks. I close my eyes and lean into him letting him comfort me.

Then I open my eyes. "How did you get here? Why are you here?" I realize how unloving this sounds and try to change the questions. "I mean, well, how and who..?" I just stop. I look away frustrated with my own inability to ask simple questions without sounding harsh. Peeta seems to see my struggle and answers like he understands that I'm not angry with him, just curious.

"When I woke up this morning and you weren't there I panicked a little. The pills made me a little woozy but I managed to make my way into the kitchen and Haymitch was there cooking. Which by the way," He looks at me with a sick expression. "Haymitch is never allowed to cook for us. Ever." I chuckle because I can only imagine what he cooked for Peeta and because he's such a sweet boy he ate it. Poor thing. "But anyways," he continues. "I asked where you were and he sat me down and told me the whole thing. He gave me your note and it took me five tries to read it without the words escaping the page." He becomes emotional and I cup his cheek. He holds his hand over mine and I wipe away the one falling tear with my thumb. We savor this moment for as long as we can because we both know it will be ending soon.

"But," I try asking another question. "How did you get here?" I am pleased that this question comes out without any fluctuation in my voice to make him concerned.

"Oh," he chuckles. "You have Haymitch to thank for that one. After he gave me the note I got up and told him we needed to get to District 2 and I flew out the door to my house to you know, be presentable and what not." He flashes me his winning smile and I melt. The heartache I feel for the loss of my parent can wait. I know I'm being vulnerable, but I trust this boy to keep me safe and I trust him to love me despite our history.

"So what, did Haymitch get a magic wand and snap his fingers and you were here?" I ask. Peeta chuckles at my attempt at humor. "No no, that would have been much quicker. After I came back from my house I saw a small hovercraft. He said something about someone owing him a favor and we got in and we were off. Looks like I got here just in time." He looks sad and I know he did arrive just at the right time as he always does for me.

My thoughts go back to my mother and the last sight of her giving me the sign for ultimate love and respect. That was something my mother never openly said to me. I know she did love me and I know she thought a lot of things about me, but she never made it known that she did so.

"I miss them." I say. Peeta knew who I was talking about and nodded. "I know you do." And he does. He lost his family, every single one of them and now he's alone and orphaned just like me. We have no one but Haymitch to look after us now. No mothers to give us harsh beatings or to completely check out mentally. No fathers to fix us up and show how to be kind or to teach us the many ways of life.

We now have to hold each other when times are hard. When I want to push away he has to hold on. When he mistakes me for a mutt I have to wait. We need to fix each other and hope that we can move on from the destruction and devastation left by our rebellion. We need hope.

Out of the blue, like most of today, someone asks, "Katniss Everdeen?"

xxxxx

Such a good chapter for Peeta and Katniss.. finally they kiss! Woo! Some brightness is deserved after such a heavy last chapter. Please review and tell me what you think! How did you feel about the two? Can they make it work? What about the person at the end? Hmmmm….


	20. They Are All Just Memories

Well, this is the last real chapter. Next is the epilogue and then it ends. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story.. It means more to me than anything.

If I ever meet Suzanne Collins I'm going to tell her how much reading The Hunger Games, Catching Fire and Mockingjay depressed me, but I'm going to thank her for doing so. Twisted? Eh. I think not :)

xxxxx

Sometimes in life we are given chances and with those chances come new life and the ability to start over. We hold onto what life used to be and sometimes we never learn how to let go. Moving forward is painful after losing so many people that help you become who you are in life. Life. It waits for no man, and I'm glad it doesn't wait for me.

I climb out of Peeta's arms and take the chair to his left. He takes my hand in his large, warm one and I wave over the person calling my name. This new face is wearing a long white coat and I assume he is a doctor. What he wants with me exactly is lost on me. He comes over and sits in a chair across from me, almost in the same fashion as Faye did earlier. I think he knows he has the right person due to my haggard appearance. My assumptions were correct when he announced his title.

"Hello I'm Dr. Cardine, I was your mother's doctor. Katniss I just want to extend my deepest and most sincere apologies to you on the death of your mother." At this I feel Peeta squeeze my hand and I simply nod my thanks unsure of my voice at this moment. I look down and see my fingers intertwined with Peeta's and I feel stronger. I find my voice. "Thank you," I raise my head to actually look at the stranger. "Is there something you need me to do?" I find it odd that my mother's doctor would seek me out when I was already told how she died.

Dr. Cardine is an odd looking fellow with the top of his head beginning to thin and become bald. He looks shrunken over and even older than Faye. The corners of his eyes are crinkled even without smiling, but his green eyes stand out the most against his tan complexion. He looks like he has seen one too many deaths in his years as a physician, my mother is just added to the list.

"Oh no, I just want you to know that I worked with your mother while she was healthy. I just thought that," He has stopped to clear this throat. "I just thought you would like to have her things that were left at her station. No one wanted to take them down, but I felt we had to. She never stopped talking about your little sister, Prim if I am correct." I nod because once more my words have escaped me and if I think about what he said too much I will surely begin to cry. "Well, here it is." He hands me a box that Buttercup could fit in, but it is filled with things. I let go of Peeta and accept the box. I set it on my lap and stare at it. "Thank you." I whisper. He stands and looks down at me with all seriousness, "No. Thank _you_, Katniss." And at that he smiled and walked away in the same direction that he came.

I look at Peeta, but he's looking into the box trying to see what lies inside. I take a deep breath and peer down at the box in front of me. Peeta gets up and at first I don't understand what he's doing, but then I see him grip a small side table and drag it in front of me to put the contents of the box on.

"I don't think I can.." I trail off. I'm not ready to see my mother's personal things because I was unaware she had any.

"You can. And I will be here every step of the way. If we need to stop, we will but you will never forgive yourself if you just throw it all away." He pleads. Peeta's right, I won't forgive myself if I walk away and never look back.

I set the box on the table where I plan to empty its contents piece by piece. The first thing I pull out makes my heart sink and my eyes tear up. I feel that hole in my chest where my heart should be because of what I'm holding in my hands. It is a small piece of blank white paper that has amateur drawings on it. The first figure is in blue and they are outlined in a type of wax medium, they are the tallest out of all four figures. Next is outlined in purple and they are slightly smaller than the first. This figure looks more like a girl than the first figure which I assume is a boy. The next two figures are in the same purple color, one figure is taller than the other, but still smaller than the second figure. I slowly realize this is a family portrait. Not just any family, but my family. It is then that my tears prick my eyes because I see, in the bottom right hand corner of the page, "Primrose". She drew this and my mother kept it.

I then think of my little sister, which I hardly ever let myself do anymore. I remember her hair down to her favorite pair of shoes. She was my reason for living and at one time she felt more like my own child than my sister. I wanted to protect her, that is why I volunteered at the reaping and now she's gone because of my own rebellion. In trying to protect her, I killed her. No, I can't let myself feel this way. Prim would never have wanted me to cry for her, she would have wanted me to be happy.

Everyone that died for me would never have wanted me to crumble, for their death was not in vain. Cinna knew what he was doing when he put me in that dress that came ablaze. He knew he would be severely punished, he knew he would die for helping the cause. It is the same for Finnick. Never was there a moment I thought he was predictable. The courage and selflessness he possessed still amazes me even to this day. That truly breaks my heart because he was leaving behind Annie and their unborn son. He knew saving my life would mean saving his son's life and that is the ultimate sacrifice. It is nothing compared to what I did for Prim at the reaping.

The people that will forever remain with me are only memories now, but I will hold these memories with me until I die. I will not let them fade because what they did meant so much more than a silly mockinjay. What they did saved us.

I think Peeta understands how I feel at this moment because I feel his arm around me. I turn my face into his shoulder and I cry all the tears I thought were out of my system.

"We can finish looking through this later. We'll bring it back to District 12 with us and you don't have to look at it anymore." He says. I have calmed considerably and appreciate his voice.

"Okay. I want to put this all away," I sniff. "But I want to keep this though." I hold up the drawing and he understands. I fold it back up and put it in my pocket to look at later.

I see over Peeta's shoulder the window and I see the sun is trying to break through the horizon. I know it is time to leave the place of pain behind me and return to the place I call home.

xxxxx

Well, loves, the next chapter is it. It makes me sad to be done, but every story has an end eventually. Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this story. You all have a special place in my heart for every kind word that was said to me. But fear not, I will write another story because I really love these books and there is so much I can do to continue it. I hope to do it justice and now… onto the epilogue.


	21. Epilogue Now I Know My Place

If I give you an author's note here I will surely get emotional.. lol so please just continue reading…

For the last time in The Mistakes We Make, Suzanne Collins deserves all the credit for creating such a beautiful story filled with tragedy and rebirth, it was simply perfect.

xxxxx

It took a long time for Peeta and me to be as one. When he asked me if I loved him there really was no other answer other than 'real'. My love for him is as true as it gets and I don't think the worst of hallucinations will ever change that. Granted, some have been bad. A few weeks after returning to District 12 we had a fight. I couldn't handle how I was feeling with the loss of my family and I didn't want to hear Peeta's words of encouragement. I was stubborn and the fight was completely my fault, but still I was relentless and it was the first night we spent apart.

It was the middle of the night and I wasn't asleep because the feeling of being alone kept me up. I heard my door open and Peeta stomping up my stairs and into my bedroom. He was wild and angry and I could see in his eyes that it wasn't him. He yelled and screamed and called me a lot of names that he regretted the next morning. He told me I was a lying mutt for killing my own family. The words cut me deeper than his first hallucination, but I had to keep telling myself this was not the boy with the bread, this was the boy that the capitol broke.

Somehow after that he came back to me and he felt horrible about what happened, but we decided being apart was far worse for the both of us. Never again did we spend a night separated, in all our years, not one. I then told him about Gale because I knew he deserved to know this time. I told him how he left the same day I did. I haven't heard from him since and I know he's off somewhere making the world safer. He should be happy. We all deserve happiness now.

There came a time for us to toast the bread and be official in our lives spent together. I thought Peeta was going to burst with happiness when I said yes to him. He has slowly come back to me, the old Peeta. Some days I watch him humming in the kitchen making some sort of baked good and I see his father and I know this is how he would have turned out had it not been for any of the Hunger Games. I smiled then and realized he is my past, present, and future.

More time passed, probably more than Peeta wanted, but eventually I gave him the greatest gift I could imagine. I gave him children. It was strange the day I felt something stir inside me. I felt anxious and nervous and I wanted to take back my decision. Peeta was there though, every moment and I would never have been able to do it if it weren't for him. I certainly would never have been able to do it twice. The way he held both children the minute they were born made me fill with wonder at how far he had come.

Days grew shorter as time went on. We saw our own children have children and by this time our district had grown into much more than it was even when Peeta and I grew up. We had our own grandchildren to play with and Peeta was in heaven. He has always loved children and has always wanted them around. He told me once late at night as we lay in each others arms that he wanted more. I remember the chuckle that erupted from his lips when I gave him a bizarre look. We never discussed it again and he never seemed upset.

We lived long, happy years together and even though the Capitol took almost everything from me, I never looked back. Every now and then I get a letter from Annie about her son. I received a picture of him when he was born and I nearly wept at the thought of Finnick missing it. Later the pictures were of him in his teen years and it always shocked me how much he looked like his father. He was the spitting image.

Our health faded and eventually we had to say our goodbyes. Our story was over, but our legend lives on. I am still the Mockinjay and Peeta is still the famous baker and Hunger Games rebel.

Our lives were simple, but it was better to live with love than to life with bitterness and sadness. It was a choice I made.

I finally found my place in life and my place was in the arms of Peeta Mellark. And his place was in my own arms.

It is in this embrace our final ember cooled.

xxxxx

I just want to give a huge thank you to everyone that has read this story and stayed with it. And an extra special thank you to everyone that reviewed. I am really sad to end this.. Seriously I feel awful :( but all good things must come to an end I guess.. I hope you all appreciated this story as much as I did. It has meant a lot to me and now I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my time since it was such a large part of my routine haha. I'll just have to write more I guess! I hope you keep an eye out for me in the next couple weeks to come. You are all amazing 3


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